Intrigue and envy had gained their end. Cabinski was forced to
yield, for Topolski had threatened to leave the company immediately
unless he took away the role from Janina and gave it to Majkowska.
It was the way he chose to avenge himself because of Janina's
refusal to go to Kotlicki.
Struck to the very heart, Janina almost lost her reason under this
blow. She began to stagger on her feet and felt that the whole
theater was whirling about her and that everything was sinking with
her into a bottomless darkness. She cast a glance of unspeakable
grief at all those about her, as though seeking for help, but on the
faces of most of the members of the company there was an expression
of merriment over what they thought was a splendid joke, and the
beastly joy of cretins at the suppression of talent. They mocked the
defeated aspirant with their glances; burning taunts and jibes began
to fall from all sides like stones upon her soul crushed by an
unexpected blow. Brutal laughs arose, scourging her as with a whip
and all the baseness of human delight in the pain of others found
its object and outlet.
And Janina stood there without a word or motion, with that dreadful
pain in her heart in which it seemed as though all the arteries had
been torn open and were flooding it with the blood of despair.
She collected enough strength to ask: "Why may I not play the part?"
"Because you may not and that settles it!" answered Cabinski curtly.
And he immediately left the theater, because he dreaded a scene and
felt a trifle sorry for Janina.
She remained standing behind the scenes with that overwhelming and
sharp pain of disappointment tearing at her soul. She felt such an
emptiness and loneliness that at moments it seemed to her as though
she were all alone in the world and that something had pinned her to
the earth with an immense weight and was crushing her down, that she
was falling with lightning speed to the bottom of some deep abyss
where a grayish-green whirlpool was dimly roaring.
Her thoughts and feelings were breaking and snapping under the
tremendous strain and tears of hopeless abandonment flooded her
eyes. She went to the dressing-room and sat down in the darkest
corner.
Her dreams were crumbling to pieces: those wonderful realms were
vanishing and sinking away in the misty distance, those enchanting
visions were waving like torn rags in her brain and soul.
The dull grayness of the dirty walls and decorations about her and
the throng of shabby, jeering beggars seemed to saturate and oppress
her whole being. She felt so utterly weary, broken, sick, and
helpless that she went out into the hall to look for Wladek to take
her home, but she could not find him. He had cautiously disappeared,
so Janina went back to the dressing-room and sat there in a daze.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account