Making the crowd give way--But wherefore trace A dunce's faults? which shall be shown at large, When more he writes, unless he cease to rail. Attend impartially! and let me once Without annoyance act an easy part; Lest your old servant be o'er-labor'd still With toilsome characters, the running slave, The eating parasite, enrag'd old man, The bold-fac'd sharper, covetous procurer; Parts, that ask pow'rs of voice, and iron sides. Deign then, for my sake, to accept this plea, And grant me some remission from my labor. For they, who now produce new comedies, Spare not my age! If there is aught laborious, They run to me; but if of little weight, Away to others. In our piece to-day The style is pure: now try my talents then In either character. If I for gain, Never o'er-rated my abilities; If I have held it still my chief reward To be subservient to your pleasure; fix In me a fair example, that our youth May seek to please you, rather than themselves. ACT THE FIRST. SCENE I. _CHREMES, MENEDEMUS._ CHREM. Though our acquaintance is as yet but young, Since you have bought this farm that neighbors mine, And little other commerce is betwixt us; Yet or your virtue, or good neighborhood, (Which is in my opinion kin to friendship,) Urge me to tell you, fairly, openly, That you appear to me to labor more Than your age warrants, or affairs require. Now, in the name of heav'n and earth, what is't You want? what seek you? Threescore years of age, Or older, as I guess; with an estate, Better than which, more profitable, none In these parts hold; master of many slaves; As if you had not one at your command, You labor in their offices yourself. I ne'er go out so soon at morn, return So late at eve, but in your grounds I see you Dig, plow, or fetch and carry: in a word, You ne'er remit your toil, nor spare yourself. This, I am certain, is not done for pleasure. --You'll say, perhaps, it vexes you to see Your work go on so slowly;--do but give The time you spend in laboring yourself To set your slaves to work, 'twill profit more. MENE. Have you such leisure from your own affairs To think of those, that don't concern you, Chremes? CHREM. I am a man, and feel for all mankind. Think, I advise, or ask for information: If right, that I may do the same; if wrong, To turn you from it. MENE. I have need to do thus. Do you as you think fit. CHREM. Need any man Torment himself? MENE. I need. CHREM. If there's a cause, I'd not oppose it. But what evil's this? What is th' offense so grievous to your nature, That asks such cruel vengeance on yourself? MENE. Alas! alas! (_In tears._) CHREM. Nay, weep not; but inform me. Be not reserv'd; fear nothing: prithee, trust me: By consolation, counsel, or assistance, I possibly may serve you. MENE. Would you know it? CHREM. Aye, for the very reason I have mention'd. MENE. I will inform you. CHREM. But meanwhile lay down Those rakes: don't tire yourself. MENE. It must not be. CHREM. What mean you?