Ensign Dobble assented to this—"But let Miss Clopper beware," says he, "for Stubbs is a sad fellow; he has had I don't know how many _liaisons_ already; and he has been engaged to I don't know how many women." "Indeed!" says Clopper. "Come, Stubbs, tell us your adventures." "Psha!" said I, modestly, "there is nothing, indeed, to tell; I have been in love, my dear boy—who has not?—and I have been jilted—who has not?" Clopper swore that he would blow his sister's brains out if ever _she_ served me so. "Tell him about Miss Crutty," said Dobble; "he! he! Stubbs served _that_ woman out, any how; she didn't jilt _him_, I'll be sworn." "Really, Dobble, you are too bad, and should not mention names; the fact is, the girl was desperately in love with me, and had money—sixty thousand pounds, upon my reputation. Well, everything was arranged, when, who should come down from London, but a relation." "Well; and did he prevent the match?" "Prevent it—yes, sir, I believe you, he did; though not in the sense that _you_ mean; he would have given his eyes: ay, and ten thousand pounds more, if I would have accepted the girl, but I would not." "Why, in the name of goodness?" "Sir, her uncle was a _shoemaker_. I never would debase myself by marrying into such a family." "Of course not," said Dobble, "he couldn't, you know. Well, now—tell him about the other girl, Mary Waters, you know." "Hush, Dobble, hush! don't you see one of those naval officers has turned round and heard you? My dear Clopper, it was a mere childish bagatelle." "Well, but let's have it," said Clopper, "let's have it; I won't tell my sister, you know;" and he put his hand to his nose, and looked monstrous wise. "Nothing of that sort, Clopper—no, no—'pon honour—little Bob Stubbs is no _libertine_; and the story is very simple. You see that my father has a small place, merely a few hundred acres, at Sloffemsquiggle. Isn't it a funny name? Hang it, there's the naval gentleman staring again,—(I looked terribly fierce as I returned this officer's stare, and continued in a loud, careless voice) well—at this Sloffemsquiggle there lived a girl, a Miss Waters, the niece of some blackguard apothecary in the neighbourhood; but my mother took a fancy to the girl, and had her up to the park, and petted her. We were both young—and—and—the girl fell in love with me, that's the fact. I was obliged to repel some rather warm advances that she made me; and here, upon my honour as a gentleman, you have all the story about which that silly Dobble makes such a noise." Just as I finished this sentence, I found myself suddenly taken by the nose, and a voice shouting out,— "Mr. Stubbs, you are A LIAR AND A SCOUNDREL! take this, sir,—and this, for daring to meddle with the name of an innocent lady."