I turned round as well as I could, for the ruffian had pulled me out of my chair, and beheld a great marine monster, six feet high, who was occupied in beating and kicking me, in the most ungentlemanly manner, on my cheeks, my ribs, and between the tails of my coat. "He is a liar, gentlemen, and a scoundrel; the bootmaker had detected him in swindling, and so his niece refused him. Miss Waters was engaged to him from childhood, and he deserted her for the bootmaker's niece, who was richer;"—and then sticking a card between my stock and my coat-collar, in what is called the scruff of my neck, the disgusting brute gave me another blow behind my back, and left the coffee-room with his friends. Dobble raised me up; and taking the card from my neck, read, CAPTAIN WATERS. Clopper poured me out a glass of water, and said in my ear, "If this is true, you are an infernal scoundrel, Stubbs; and must fight me, after Captain Waters," and he flounced out of the room. I had but one course to pursue. I sent the Captain a short and contemptuous note, saying, that he was beneath my anger. As for Clopper, I did not condescend to notice his remark; but in order to get rid of the troublesome society of these low blackguards, I determined to gratify an inclination I had long entertained, and make a little tour. I applied for leave of absence, and set off _that very night_. I can fancy the disappointment of the brutal Waters, on coming, as he did, the next morning, to my quarters and finding me _gone_, ha! ha! After this adventure I became sick of a military life—at least, the life of my own regiment, where the officers, such was their unaccountable meanness and prejudice against me, absolutely refused to see me at mess. Colonel Craw sent me a letter to this effect, which I treated as it deserved.—I never once alluded to it in any way, and have since never spoken a single word to any man in the North-Bungays. _Association of British Illuminati, to be held in the Town Hall, Birmingham, in August, 1839._ [We have been specially favoured with an account of some of the most important affairs to be transacted at the 1839 meeting; many of which, from the general inaccuracy of the published report, will, perhaps, not meet the public eye in any other way.] The Lions of the day from all parts of the world are pledged to be present, among others those of Mr. Van Amburgh. The man with the goats and monkeys as yet sticks out for terms. Miss Amany Amal and sisters will remain in this country, and attend, by permission from the Adelphi, to communicate their interesting discoveries in Indian Toe-pography. The president of the Nose-all-ogical Society will be engaged, as also Grace Darling, if not too dear.