The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Though Magna Charta has been practically superseded by subsequent
statutes, it must always be venerated as one of the great foundations
of our liberties. It established the "beautiful principle" that taxation
shall only take place by the consent of those taxed--a principle the
beauty of which has been its chief advantage, for it has proved less an
article for use than for ornament. The agreeable figure that everyone
who pays a tax does so with his own full concurrence, and simply because
he likes it, is a pleasing delusion, which all have not the happiness to
labour under. It was also provided that "the king should sell, delay,
or deny justice to none," a condition that can scarcely be considered
fulfilled when we look at some of the bills of costs that generally
follow a long suit in that game of chance which has obtained the
singularly appropriate title of Chancery. It may be perhaps argued, that
the article delayed and sold is law, whereas Magna Charta alludes
only to Justice. This, we must admit, establishes a distinction--_not_
without a difference.
Though John had kept his temper tolerably well at the meeting with the
barons, he had no sooner got back to Windsor Castle, than he called
a few foreign adventurers around him, and indulged in a good hearty
swearing fit against the charter. He grew so frantic, according to the
chroniclers, that he "gnashed his teeth, rolled his eyes, and gnawed
sticks and straws," though he could scarcely have done all this without
sending for the umbrella-stand, and having a good bite at its contents,
or ordering in a few wisps from the stable.
That John was exceedingly mad with the barons for what they had made him
do, is perfectly true, but we do not go the length of those who look
upon a truss of straw as essential to a person labouring under mental
aberration.
John now went to reside in the Isle of Wight, and tried to captivate the
fishermen by adopting their manners. There is nothing very captivating
in the manners of the fishermen of the Isle of Wight at the present day,
whatever may have been the case formerly; but it is probable that the
king became popular by a sort of hail-fellow-well-met-ishness, to which
his dreadful habit of swearing no doubt greatly contributed. Having
imported a lot of mercenaries from the Continent, he posted off to
Dover to land the disgraceful cargo, and with them he marched against
Rochester Castle, which had been seized by William D'Albiney. The
larder was wretchedly low when D'Albiney first took possession, and
the garrison was soon reduced to its last mouthful of provisions. This
consisted of a piece of rind of cheese, which everybody had refused
in daintier days, when provisions were plentiful. D'Albiney bolted
the morsel and unbolted the gate nearly at the same moment, when John,
rushing in, butchered all the supernumeraries and sent the principal
characters to Corfe Castle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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