The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
They first marched upon the castle of Northampton, but when they got
under the walls they discovered that they had got no battering-rams, and
after sitting looking at the castle for fifteen days, they marched off
again. At Bedford, where they went next, the same farce might have been
enacted, had not the inhabitants opened the gates for them. Here they
received an invitation from London, and stopping to rest for the night
at Ware--on account, perhaps, of the accommodation afforded by the Great
Bed--they arrived on Sunday, the 24th of May, 1215, in the City. Here
they were joined by the whole nobility of England, while John was
abandoned by all but seven knights, who remained near his person, the
seven knights forming a weak protection, to the sovereign. His heart
at first failed him, but he was a capital actor, and soon assumed a sort
of easy cheerfulness. He presented his compliments to the barons, and
assured them he should be most happy to meet them, if they would appoint
a time and place for an interview. The barons instantly fixed the 19th
of June at Runny-Mead, when John intimated that he should have much
pleasure in accepting the polite invitation.
At length the eventful morning arrived, when John cantered quietly down
from Windsor Castle, attended by eight bishops and a party of about
twenty gentlemen. These, however, were not his friends, but had been
lent by the other side, "for the look of the thing," lest the king
should seem to be wholly without attendants. The barons, who had been
stopping at Staines, were of course punctual, and had got the pen and
ink all laid out upon the table, with a Windsor chair brought expressly
from the town of Windsor for John to sit down upon. It had been expected
that he would have raised some futile objections to sign; but the crafty
sovereign, knowing it was a _sine qua non_, made but one plunge into the
inkstand, and affixed his autograph. It is said that he dropped a dip of
ink accidentally on the parchment, and that he mentally ejaculated "Ha!
this affair will be a blot upon my name for ever." The facility with
which the king attached his signature to Magna Charta--the great charter
of England's liberties--naturally excited suspicion; for it is a remark
founded on a long acquaintance with human nature, that the man who never
means to take up a bill is always foremost in accepting one. Had John
contemplated adhering to the provisions of the document he would have
probably discussed the various clauses, but a swindler seldom disputes
the items of an account, when he has not the remotest intention of
paying it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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