The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
It is possible that the brute upon which De Burgh was secured may have
been a donkey, in which case the legs of the ex-favourite might have
been long enough to admit of their being tied in a double knot--and
perhaps even in a bow--under the animal's stomach. In this uncomfortable
position he was trotted off to the Tower; but the clergy being incensed
at the violation of sanctuary, Hubert was remounted in the same style,
and trotted back again. He was placed in the church as before, but all
communication with it was cut off, a trench dug round it, and Hubert
was left without any food but that which is always so plentiful under
similar circumstances--namely, food for reflection.
After "chewing the bitter cud" until there was nothing left to
masticate, he intimated from the steeple his desire to surrender. He had
remained forty days shut up without food, fire, or any other clothing
but the wrapper in which he had made his escape from his lodgings at
Brentwood. The once burly De Burgh had, of course, become dreadfully
thin, and the thread of existence seemed to be inclosed in a mere
thread-paper. In this state he was taken to the Tower; but he was soon
released to take his trial before his peers, who would have condemned
him to death, but the king, looking on the minister as a golden goose,
merely seized the accumulated eggs, and sent him to prison at the Castle
of Devizes, until some other means were devised of getting hold of the
remainder of his property.
Hubert had scarcely been in prison a year, when he took advantage of a
dark night to drop himself over one of the battlements. He however found
that one good drop deserved another, for he had fallen into a ditch
containing a good drop of water, in which he remained absorbed for
several seconds. Having crawled out, he commenced wringing his hands and
his clothes, but feeling there was no time to be lost, he made his
way to a country church, whither he was traced by the drippings of his
garments, which had left a mark something like that of a water-cart,
along the path he had taken. Though captured by one party, he was set
at liberty by another, with whom the king had become very unpopular, and
Hubert was carried off to Wales, where a sect of discontents, who, had
they lived in these days, would have been called the Welsh Whigs, had
long been gathering. Hubert in about a year and a half, obtained a
return of part of his estates, and was even restored to his honours;
but the king still kept him as a sort of nest-egg to plunder as occasion
required. Hubert finally compromised the claims of the sovereign by
surrendering four castles, in which Hollinshed is disposed to believe
that Jack Straw's and the Elephant could not have been included.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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