The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The Bishop of Winchester, or as he is termed in history, the Poictevin
bishop, succeeded to power on the downfall of Hubert, and Des Boches
soon filled the court with foreign adventurers. Two of a trade never
agree; and the nobility, who had originally been foreign adventurers
themselves, objected to the importation of any more scamps from abroad,
on the principle, perhaps, that England had got plenty of that sort
already. The Poictevin bishop was particularly hostile to the son of
the late regent, the young Earl of Pembroke, who inherited some of his
father's virtues, and what was far more interesting to old Des Boches,
the whole of his father's property. Young P. was in Ireland, where he
had large estates, which the Poictevin bishop desired the governors of
that country to confiscate. He promised them a slice, and the governors
being--as Rapin has it--_avides d'un si bon morceau_--(ravenous for such
a tit-bit) determined on getting hold of it. Treachery was accordingly
resorted to, and Pembroke was basely stabbed in the back whilst sitting
unsuspectingly at his own Pembroke table. This was more than the barons
could bear; and they told Henry very plainly, through Edmund, the new
Archbishop of Canterbury, that if Des Roches was not dismissed, the
sovereign himself would be sent forthwith about his business. The
Poictevin was ordered off to Winchester, with directions to limit his
views to his own see; and the patriotic Canterbury, who had of course
only been anxious for the good of his country, obtained the power from
which his predecessor had been cleverly ousted.
The Bishop of Winchester was soon afterwards called to Rome by the pope,
who pretended to require his advice, but really had an eye to his money.
Des Boches imagined that he was invited for protection, but he was in
fact wanted for pillage. The Poictevin was glad to escape from English
_surveillance_, and was quite content to eat his mutton under the pope's
eye, though he was hardly prepared for the process of picking to which
he was subjected. The predecessor of Urban * was, however, all urbanity,
and thus made some amends to Des Boches, who, like the majority of
mankind, found victimisation a comparatively painless operation when
performed by the gentle or light-fingered hands of an accomplished
swindler.
* According to some authorities Celestine was pope at this
period, and Urban did not reach the papal dignity till some
time afterwards.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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