The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
In the year 1236, Henry married Eleanor of Provence, with immense pomp
and another coronation--a ceremony the frequent repetition of which
in former times was a proof of the uncertainty of regal power, for the
crown could not be very firm that so often required re-soldering. The
king's marriage formed, perhaps, a reasonable excuse for placing an
extra hod of cement between the monarch's poll and the hollow diadem.
The marriage festivities were followed by the summoning of a Parliament
at Merton, where Henry passed a series of statutes that became famous
under the name of the Statutes of Merton; and where he also pocketed, in
the shape of-subsidies, a considerable sum of money.
[Illustration: 154]
Eleanor, the new queen, brought with her to England a quantity of needy
and seedy foreigners, most of whom were immediately promoted. One of her
uncles, "named Boniface," says Matthew Paris, "from his extraordinary
quantity of cheek," was raised to the see of Canterbury. She invited
over from Provence a quantity of _demoiselles a marier_, whom she got
off by palming them upon rich young nobles, of whom her husband held the
wardship. The court was turned into a kind of matrimonial bazaar, where
the wealthy scions of English aristocracy were hooked by the portionless
but sometimes pretty spinsters of Provence. Nor was this all, for
Isabella, the queen mother, sent over her four boys, Guy, William,
Geoffrey, and Aymer, her sons, by the Count de la Marche, to be provided
for. England was in fact regarded as an enormous common, upon which any
foreign goose or jackass might be turned out to grass, provided he was
patronised by a member of the reigning family. Henry, who was the victim
of his poor relations, soon found himself short of cash, and he was
obliged to get money in driblets from the Parliament, who never allowed
him much at a time, and always exacted conditions which were invariably
broken as soon as the cash was granted.
Henry had been married about a year, when he had the coolness to ask the
nation for the expenses of his wedding. The barons declared that they
had never been consulted about the match, and that the king up to the
last hour of his remaining a single man had acted with great duplicity.
Finding it useless to command, he resorted to the old plan of humbug,
and fell back upon his old friend Magna Charta, which he confirmed once
more, for about the fifth or sixth time, and of course got the money
he required. This great Bill of Rights was to him a sort of stereotyped
bill of exchange, upon which he could always raise a sum of money by
going through the formality of a fresh acceptance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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