The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
In the reign of Edward the Second the order of Knights Templars was
abolished, a circumstance which arose from the king of France being
short of cash, and casting a longing eye upon the rich possessions of
the order. In France they were put to the torture to force them into
confessions of crimes they had never committed; but in England the same
effect was produced by imprisonment; for instruments of cruelty were
never recognised by English laws, or encouraged as articles of British
manufacture. The Archbishop of York finding nothing of the kind in the
country, wished to send abroad for a pattern, * but it must be spoken
to the credit of our ancestors, that though, in a pecuniary sense, they
were famous for applying the screw, the thumb-screw was never popular.
* _Vide_ Rapin, vol. iii., p. 95, and also a Note in Lingard
Rapin mentions among the great events of this reign, a tremendous
earthquake, but it can have been no great shakes, for we do not find any
details of its destructive effects in the old chronicles. It occurred
on the 14th of November, 1320, to the unspeakable terror of all classes;
but it did not swallow up half as much as is swallowed up annually on
the 9th of November at the Mansion House in London.
CHAPTER THE FOURTH. EDWARD THE THIRD.
The young king did not upon his father's death come to the throne, for
he had taken his seat upon the imperial cushion eight months before the
decease of his by no means lamented parent. Mortimer had caused a medal
to be struck in celebration of the accession of Edward the Third, in
which he was represented receiving the crown, with the motto, "_Non
rapit sed recipit_," which we need scarcely translate into "He did not
snatch it, but got it honestly." * A council of regency was appointed,
to which Mortimer, with affected modesty, declined to belong, but he
and the queen did as they pleased with the affairs of government.
Her majesty got an enormous grant to pay her debts, but knowing the
extravagant and dishonest character of the woman, we have reason to
believe that she pocketed the money and never satisfied the demands of
her creditors. She obtained, also, an allowance of twenty thousand a
year, which was better than two-thirds of the revenues of the crown; so
that a paltry six-and-eightpence in the pound was the utmost that young
Edward could have to live upon. The Earl of Lancaster was appointed
guardian, and began doing the best for himself, after the approved
fashion of the period. The attainders against the great Earl of
Lancaster were of course reversed, and the confiscation of the estates
of the Despencer, afforded some very pretty pickings to the party that
was now dominant.
* It is a curious fact that Mortimer should bare been in
the medal line, a business in which his namesake of the
house of Store and Mortimer has since become so illustrious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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