The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Though the king was too young to govern, his admirers persuaded him that
he was quite old enough to fight, and he was recommended to try his
hand against Bruce, who was getting old; so that, in the language of
the ring, the British pet was not very ill matched against the Scottish
veteran. The Caledonian Slasher, as Bruce might justly have been called,
had broken the truce agreed upon with Edward the Second, and had sent an
army into Yorkshire, which plundered as it went every town and village.
The stealing of sheep and oxen was carried on to such an extent by the
Scotch troops that their camp resembled Smithfield market, or a prize
cattle show. Sixty thousand men gathered round the standard of Edward,
but the foreign and native troops quarrelled with such fury among
themselves that they had little energy left to be expended on the enemy.
Fortunately for the English king the vastness of his army made up for
its want of discipline. Bruce, directly he saw the foe, waited only to
take their number, and retired with the utmost rapidity, amusing himself
with the Scotch favourite Burns, by setting fire to all the villages.
The English, instead of following the enemy, waited a night upon the
road for some provisions expected by the Parcels Delivery, which had
been delayed by some accident. The Scotch were thus allowed to get
ahead, and Edward sent a crier through his camp, offering a hundred a
year with the honour of knighthood, to anyone who would apprise him of
the place where he should find the opposing army. Thomas of Rokeby, so
called from his habit of rokeing about, was successful in the search,
and came galloping into the English camp with a loud cry of Eureka,
and a demand of "money down," with knighthood on the spot, before
he divulged his secret. "You're very particular, sir," said Edward,
flinging him a purse, containing his annuity for the first year, and
dubbing him a knight by a blow on the head from the flat of the sword,
administered with unusual vehemence.
[Illustration: 188]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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