The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Edward engaged a few foreign potentates--principally small Germans--to
aid him in his audacious enterprise. Louis of Bavaria, Emperor of
Germany, came to terms; the Dukes of Brabant and Gueldres did not refuse
his money; the Archbishop of Cologne consented to add a few pounds to
his salary; while the Marquis of Juliers, and the Counts of Hainault and
Namur, jumped at a moderate stipend for their services. Every adventurer
who was to be had cheap, found instant employment, and James von
Artaveldt, a brewer of Ghent, the Barclay or Perkins of his time, made
an arrangement for farming out a few of his stoutest draymen. Philip
availed himself of a couple of kings in reduced circumstances--those of
Navarre and Bohemia--besides securing a few dukes who were in want of
a little cash for current expenses. A rope of sand could scarcely
have been more fragile than Edward's band of hired followers. Like a
Christmas-pudding made of plums and other rich ingredients without any
flour to bind it, his supporters, though comprising a compound of dukes,
marquises and counts, with even an archbishop and an emperor, was not
likely to hold together as long as it was deficient in the flower of an
army, a zealous soldiery. The Flemings and Brabanters having spent his
money sneaked off with a promise to meet him _next_ year, and 1338 was
consequently lost in doing nothing. By the middle of September, 1339,
there was another muster of the mercenaries, with whom Edward started
for Cambray, but happening to look back when he got to the frontiers of
France, he saw the Counts of Namur and Hainault disgracefully backing
out of the expedition. Having in vain hallooed to them, and finding that
the more he kept on calling the more they persisted in not coming, he
pushed on as far as St. Quentin, when the rest of his allies struck,
and declared they would not go another step without an advance of wages.
Edward, who had spent all his own money and a good deal of somebody
else's--for he was fearfully in debt--could only say "Very well,
gentlemen, I'm in your hands," and turn into the town of Ghent, where
he took lodgings for a limited period. While here he amused himself by
taking the title of King of France, and he had the French lily quartered
on his arms; which, as Philip said when he heard of it, was "like the
fellow's impudence."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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