The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
One of the foe tauntingly told her the needle was a fitter instrument
for her than the sword, when she rushed upon him, exclaiming, "I want
no needle, fellow, to trim your jacket." She cut the thread of
several existences, and there is no doubt that had the gun cotton been
discovered in those days, she would have used it for the purpose of
whipping, basting, hemming in, felling to the earth, and, in a word,
sewing up her unfortunate antagonists. Darkness having set in upon this
fearful set out, the battle was cut short, for night dropped her curtain
in the middle of the act, and brought it to an abrupt conclusion.
Edward now came over to superintend the war in person, and he began by
looking the danger in the face, which he accomplished by lying several
weeks opposite the foe--an example that was followed by the other side;
and thus the two armies continued to take sights at each other during
the entire winter. At length a truce for three years and eight months
was agreed upon; but its conditions were not attended to. John de
Montfort was to have been released from prison, according to the
agreement; but Philip, by pitiful quibbles, found excuses for keeping
him in closer custody. At length, the old gentleman escaped in the
disguise of a pedlar; but he was cruelly hounded by his enemies, and
with a pack at his back was for some time hunted about, until, by dint
of the most dogged perseverance, he arrived safely in England. Coming
to the door of his own house, he set up a faint cry of "Stay-lace,
boot-lace, shoe-tie," in a disguised voice, which brought the mistress
of the establishment to the window; but she merely shook her head, to
indicate that nothing was wanted. Upon this the supposed pedlar threw
off his hat and wig, and being instantly recognised, was dragged into
the hall, to the surprise of the various servants, until the words,
"It's your master come back," furnished a clue to the mystery. His
wife's joy at meeting her "old man," as she affectionately called him,
was extreme; but the excitement was too much for the veteran, who went
bang off, like an exhausted squib, while Lady de Montfort fell in an
explosion of grief by the side of her husband.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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