The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The night after the battle was of course a gala night with the English,
who lighted fires, torches, and candles, including probably "fifty
thousand additional lamps," in celebration of the victory. So excellent,
however, were the regulations on the occasion, that we have not heard of
a single instance of disturbance or accident. The day after the battle
was disgraced by a series of attacks on some French unfortunates, who
not knowing of the defeat of their king, were coming to his assistance.
It happened that, as if to make the English quite at home, a regular
English fog set in, and some French militia, not being able to see their
way very clearly, mistook a reconnoitring party of the enemy for their
own countrymen. The French hastened to join their supposed comrades, but
soon found out their mistake from the cruel treatment they experienced.
Other stragglers who had missed their way in the mist, were also
savagely attacked, and when Edward heard the facts, he sent out Lords
Cobham and Stafford, with three heralds, to recognise the arms, and two
secretaries to write down the names of those that had fallen. The
party returned in the evening, with a list of eleven princes, eighty
bannerets, twelve hundred knights, and thirty thousand commoners. We can
only say that the herald of those days could not have been such a very
slow affair as the _Herald_ of these, and the secretaries must have
written not merely a running but a galloping hand to have in so few
hours deciphered the arms, and made a list of the names of such an
enormous number of individuals.
Having remained over Sunday at Cressy, Edward set out on Monday morning
for Calais, with the intention of besieging it. While he was occupied
abroad, his enemy, little David Bruce, at the instigation of Philip,
attempted to disturb England. After a brief campaign, in which the
Scotch king was joined by the Earls of Monteith and Fife, David Bruce
was placed in custody. Monteith lost his head for showing his teeth, and
Fife would have had a stop put to him, but for his relationship to the
Royal Family, his mother having been niece to the first Edward.
Calais was kept in a state of blockade, for the English king had
resolved upon hemming in and starving out the inhabitants. John de
Vienne, who was the governor, finding provisions getting low, turned
what he called the "useless mouths" out of the place, and among these
"useless mouths" were a number of women, who must have been rare
specimens of their sex to have kept their mouths in a state of
uselessness. The brutal policy of John de Vienne was to continue weeding
the population as long as he could by turning out the old and helpless,
the women and the children. Seventeen hundred victims were thrust from
the town and driven towards the English lines by the Governor of Calais,
who was reckless of the lives of the citizens so long as the sacrifice
enabled him to hold out and gain a character for bravery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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