The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
It is easy for a military commander to win a reputation for extreme
heroism if he is utterly regardless of the expense, and chooses to pay
for it in the blood of those under his control; but it is the duty of
the historian to audit the accounts and justly strike the balance.
In looking into the case of John de Vienne we adjudge him guilty of
fraudulent bankruptcy in his reputation, for he sought to establish
himself in the good books of public opinion by trading on the lives
of the citizens of Calais, which were his only capital. If he were now
before us, we should assume the part of a commissioner, and should say
to him, "Go, sir. We cannot grant you your protection from the heavy
responsibilities you incurred when you wasted human life which you were
bound to preserve as far as you were able. You have violated a sacred
trust; and we must therefore adjourn your further examination _sine
die_, for it is quite impossible to grant you your certificate."
As long as John de Vienne could find anything to eat, and could have
his table tolerably well provided, he held out; but when starvation
threatened himself as well as the citizens, he asked permission to
capitulate. Edward, annoyed by the obstinacy of the resistance, refused
to come to any terms short of an unconditional surrender, but he at
length consented to spare the town on condition of six burgesses coming
forth naked in their shirts, with halters round their necks, and without
anything on their legs, as a proof of their humiliation being utterly
inexpressible. When John de Vienne was apprised of this resolution,
he called a meeting in the market-place, and stated the hard condition
which Edward had imposed, but the governor had not the heroism to
propose to make one of the party required for the sacrifice. He was
exceedingly eloquent in urging others to come forward, and was loud in
his protestations that such an "eligible opportunity," such an "opening
for spirited young men" would never occur again; but the citizens turned
a deaf ear to all his arguments. No one seemed inclined to set a noble
example, but all the inhabitants gave way to a piteous fit of howling,
until Eustace de St. Pierre, a rich burgess, drying his eyes and mopping
up his emotion with the cuff of his coat, offered himself as the first
victim. Five others followed his example, and the six heroes, taking
off their trousers, prepared to throw themselves into the breach, and
slipping off their slippers, went barefooted into the presence of the
conqueror. He eyed the miserable objects with malicious pleasure, and
according to Froissart, insulted the unhappy burgesses by a series
of grimaces, like those with which the clown accompanies the ironical
inquiry of "How are you?" which he always addresses to his intended
victim in a pantomime. The wretched state of the burgesses shivering
in their shirts--but not shaking in their shoes, for they were
barefooted--had a softening influence on all but Edward, who with a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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