The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Before the commencement of the battle, a diplomatist of the name of
Talleyrand, who seems to have been worthy of his celebrated modern
successor, rode from camp to camp trying to arrange the affair, and
making himself very influential with both parties. John was, however,
so confident in the superiority of his numbers that he declined a
compromise, except on the most humiliating terms, to the Black Prince,
who looked blacker than ever when the degrading proposition was made to
him.
On the 19th of September, 1356, the battle began with a duet played by
two trumpets--one on each side--but this did not last long, for neither
party desired to listen to overtures. The French commenced the attack,
but they came to the point a little too soon, for they actually ran
upon the arrows of the English bowmen. The Constable of France tried
to inspire courage into the troops on his side by roaring out
"Mountjoy! St. Denis!" but a stalwart Briton, telling him to hold his
noise, felled him to the ground. A strong body of reserve, who carried
their reserve to downright timidity, fled without striking a blow. They
had scarcely drawn their swords, and received the word of command to
"cut away," when they did literally cut away, and having cut refused
to come again. John of France flourished his battle-axe with ferocious
courage; but at last he received two tremendous blows in the face which
brought him to the ground. His son Philip, a lad of sixteen, fought by
his side, encouraging him with cries of "Give it 'em, father!" which
aroused the almost exhausted John, and caused him to recover his legs.
Every kind of verbal insults was offered to him by the enemy, and
particularly by the Gascons, who indulged in a great deal of their usual
gasconade. "Stand and surrender!" cried a voice; to which John replied,
"If I could stand, I would not surrender, but I suppose I must fall into
your hands." With this he tottered into a circle of English knights,
by whom he was nearly torn to pieces in the scramble that arose for the
royal captive. Some among the crowd of his victors endeavoured to induce
his majesty to place himself under their charge, and one or two began
to talk to him in bad French, when Sir Denis, a real Frenchman, who had
been dismissed from the service of his own country and entered that of
England, addressed the monarch politely in his native tongue. John was
in the act of offering up his glove to this gentleman as a token of
surrender, when the royal gauntlet was torn to pieces by the surrounding
knights, who all wanted to have a finger in it. Everyone was eager
to claim the French monarch, who seemed on the point of being torn to
pieces like a hare by a pack of ill-bred hounds. "I took him," exclaimed
fifty voices at once, when the Earl of Warwick, rushing into the front,
thundered forth in a stentorian voice, "Can't' you leave the man alone?"
and drawing John's arm within his own, led off the conquered king to the
camp of Edward.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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