The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The truce with France having expired, without renewal, some attacks were
made on the English coast, and advantage was taken of the circumstance
to ask the Parliament for a liberal supply. Every appeal to the
patriotism of the people was in those days nothing more than an attack
upon their pockets; and it is not improbable that, by an understanding
among the various kings of Europe, one of them should be threatened
with attack if he required a pretext for obtaining a subsidy from his
subjects.
Notwithstanding the money taken from the public purse for the national
defence, the work was so utterly neglected by the Government, that John
Philpot, a shipowner and merchant of London, equipped a small fleet
of his own, with which he captured several of the enemy's vessels. The
authorities feeling the act to be a reflection on their own shameful
dereliction of duty, censured Philpot for his interference; but the
worthy alderman, by replying--"Why did you leave it to me to do,
when you ought to have done it yourselves?" effectually silenced all
remonstrance.
Young Richard, or those who acted for him, continued to make ducks and
drakes of the money of the English, which was being constantly wasted in
wanton warfare. The setting up of a duke here, or the taking down of a
king there, though the English felt no interest whatever in either the
duke or the king, became a pretext for levying a tax on the people. In
order that none should escape, so much per head was imposed on every
one from the highest to the lowest. The tax varied with the rank of the
person; and while a duke or archbishop was assessed at six 'thirteen
four (£6 13s. 4d.) a lawyer was mockingly mulcted of six and eightpence.
Such was the unpopularity of the poll-tax, that a regular pollish
revolution speedily broke out, which was fomented by the exactions of
some mercenary speculators to whom the tax had been farmed out by the
Government. Commissioners were sent into the disturbed districts to
enforce payment, and one Thomas de Bampton, who sat at Brentwood in
Essex, with two serjeants-at-arms, was glad to take to his legs, to
escape the violence of the populace, who sent him flying all the way to
London, where he rushed with his two attendants into the Common Pleas,
and asked for justice. Sir Robert Belknape, the chief, was sitting at
Nisi Prius, when Bampton begged permission to move the court as far as
Essex. The judge followed by clerks, jurors, and ushers, consenting to
the motion, went off to Brentwood, where they had no sooner arrived,
than poor Belknape was seized by the nape of the neck and forced to
flee, while the clerks and jurors were much more cruelly dealt with.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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