The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Leaders were all that the people wanted, when a notorious priest who
got the name of Jack Straw--from his being a man of that material--put
himself at the head of the discontents. The throwing up a straw will
often tell which way the wind blows, and the elevation of Jack certainly
indicated an approaching hurricane. During the excitement, one of the
tax-gatherers called upon one Walter the Tyler, of of Dartford, in Kent,
to demand fourpence, due as Miss Walter's Poll-tax. Mrs. Walter, with
the vanity of her sex, wishing to make herself out younger than she
really was, declared that the girl was not of the age liable by law
to the imposition. The collector made a very rude remark on that very
tender point, the age of the elder lady, when she screamed out to
her husband, who was tiling a house in the neighbourhood, to come and
"punish the impertinent puppy." Walter, who had still his trowel in
his hand, replied by crying out "Wait till I get at you;" and the
tax-gatherer insolently calling out "What's that what you say, Wat?" so
irritated Walter, that he at once emptied a hod of mortar on to the head
of the collector. The functionary was, of course, dreadfully mortar-fied
at this incident, but the trowelling he got with the trowel completely
finished him. Everybody applauded what Wat had done, and he was soon
appointed captain of the rebels. They released from prison a Methodist
parson named John Ball, or Bawl, whom they called their chaplain. A
nucleus having been formed, the mob increased with the rapidity of
a snowball, picking up the scum of the earth at every turn, until it
arrived at an alarming magnitude. The Tyler first visited Canterbury,
where he played some practical jokes upon the monks, and then came to
Blackheath, where, finding the young king's mother--the widow of the
Black Prince--he gave the old lady a kiss, and in this operation nearly
every rebel followed his leader. Such were the liberties taken by the
mob in their zeal on behalf of liberty, which they often affect
to pursue by means of the vilest tyranny, cruelty, cowardice, and
oppression. The insurgents made for London, when Walworth, the mayor,
endeavoured to oppose their entrance; but his efforts were vain, and
several parts of the city were burnt and plundered. The Temple was
destroyed by fire, and the lawyers running about in their black gowns
amid the flames suggested a very obvious comparison. Newgate and the
Fleet prisons were broken into, when all the scamps from both places
at once assumed the character of patriots, and joined the cause of the
people.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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