The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The Scandinavian pirates having no longer an opponent like Egbert,
ravaged Wessex; sailed up the Thames, which, if they could, they would
have set on fire; gave Canterbury, Rochester, and London a severe dose,
in the shape of pillage; and got into the heart of Surrey, which lost
all heart on the approach of the enemy. Ethelwolf, however, taking
with him his second son Ethelbald, met them at Okely--probably in the
neighbourhood of Oakley Street--and at a place still retaining the name
of the New Cut, made a fearful incision into the ranks of the enemy.
The Danes retired to settle in the isle of Thanet, to repose after
the settling they had received in Surrey, at the hands of the Saxons.
Notwithstanding the state of his kingdom, Ethelwolf found time for an
Italian tour, and taking with him his fourth son, Alfred the Great--then
Alfred the Little, for he was a child of six--started to Rome, on that
very vague pretext, a pilgrimage. He spent a large sum of money abroad,
gave the Pope an annuity for himself, and another to trim the lamps of
St. Peter and St. Paul, which has given rise to the celebrated _jeu
de mot_ that, "instead of roaming about and getting rid of his cash
in trimming foreign lamps, he ought to have remained at home for the
purpose of trimming his enemies."
On his return through France, he fell in love with Judith, the daughter
of Charles the Bald, the king of the Franks, who probably gave a good
fortune to the bride, for Charles being known as the bald, must of
course have been without any heir apparent. When Ethelwolf arrived at
home with his new wife, he found his three sons, or as he had been in
the habit of calling them, "the boys,"--indignant at the marriage of
their governor. According to some historians and chroniclers, Osburgha,
his first wife, was not dead, but had been simply "put away" to make
room for Judith. It certainly was a practice of the kings in the middle
age, and particularly if they happened to be middle-aged kings, to "put
away" an old wife; but the real difficulty must have been where on earth
to put her. If Osburgha consented quietly to be laid upon the shelf, she
must have differed from her sex in general.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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