The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
BEFORE entering on the fourth book of our history, we may perhaps be
allowed to pause, for the purpose of taking a retrospective glance at
the condition, customs, candlesticks, sports, pastimes, pitchers, mugs,
jugs and manners of the people. It is curious to trace the progress
of art, from the coarse pipkin of the early Briton to the highly
respectable tankard * found in the ruins of Glastonbury Abbey, which
proves the teeth of the monks to have been decidedly liquorish. We must
not, however, plunge prematurely into the pot of a more polished
era: but we must go regularly back to the earthenware of our earliest
ancestors.
The furniture of the Britons was substantial rather than elegant. A
round block of wood formed their easiest chair, which, we need hardly
say, was easier to make than to sit upon. The earth served the purpose
of a bed, not only for the parsley but for the people; and in winter
they made fires on the floor, till the Romans, who brought slavery in
one hand, gave the brasier with the other. Thus did even subjugation
tend to civilisation, and the very chains of the conqueror contained
links for the enlightenment of the conquered.
The diet of the Britons was as poor as their apartments, and consisted
chiefly of wild berries, wild boars, and bisons. We have no record of
their cookery, and it is doubtful whether they cooked at all, though
some antiquarians have endeavoured to find evidence of a stew, a roast
or a curry, and have ended after all in making a mere hash of it.
In clothes the Britons were by no means straight-laced, though their
intercourse with the Gauls was of inexpressible advantage to them, for
it introduced the use of Braccæ, or trousers made of fine wool woven in
stripes or chequers. **
* The tankard has no name distinctly bitten into it.
** It is probable that we get out our own word braces from
the Braccæ of our forefathers.
Of the domestic habits of the early tenants of our isle very little is
known, and we regret to say there can be little doubt they might most
of them have been indicted for polygamy had they lived under our present
system of laws, for a plurality of wives was in those days nothing
singular.
Their mode of bringing up children is wrapt in obscurity, but the
treatment, if we are to believe a story told by Salinus, * was rather
less tender than vigorous; for the first morsel of food was put into the
infant's mouth on the point of his father's sword, with the hope that
the child would turn out as sharp a blade as his parent. The Saxons
brought very material improvements to the mode of living in our island,
though we cannot compliment them on the comfort of all their upholstery.
Their chairs were a good deal like our camp-stools, without the material
which forms the seat; for the Anglo-Saxons were satisfied to sit in the
angle formed by the junction of the legs of the article alluded to.
* Pictorial History of England, vol i., book i., chap. vi.,
p. 129.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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