The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
At length, about the hour of noon, Henry gave the word to begin by
exclaiming "Banners, advance!" and at the same moment Sir Thomas
Erpingham, a grey old knight, who appears to have been a kind of
military pantaloon, threw his truncheon into the air with true
pantomimic activity. "Now, strike!" exclaimed the veteran, as he
performed this piece of buffoonery, and followed it up with the words
"Go it!" "At 'em again!" "Serve 'em right!" and "Give it 'em!" The
French fought bravely, and Messire Clignet, of Brabant, charged with
twelve hundred horse, exclaiming "Mountjoye, St. Denis!" when down
he fell, on the soft and slippery ground, like a horse on the wooden
pavement. Everywhere the French cavalry cut the most eccentric capers;
and even when there was an opportunity of advancing, the advantage
seemed to slip from under them, for the ground was as bad as ground
glass to stand upon. The English archers rushed among the steel-clad
knights, who were as stiff as so many pokers--though not one of them
could stir--and they were thus caught in their own steel traps, or
trappings. The Constable of France was killed, and the flower of the
French chivalry was nipped in the bud, or, rather, experienced a blow of
a fatal character.
"This is a very hard case, indeed," roared one of the victims, as he
pointed to his suit of steel, which rendered him incapable of fighting
or running away, though he was quite ready for either. But the hardest
part of all was the softness of the ground, into which the French kept
sinking so rapidly that they might as well have fought on the Goodwin
Sands as on the field of Agincourt. The weight of their armour caused
them to disappear every now and then, like the Light of All Nations, on
the spot we have just named, and an old French warrior--one of the heavy
fathers of that day--was seen to subside so completely in the mud, that
in a few minutes he had left only his hair apparent. The English, who
were lightly clad, kept up wonderfully under the fatigues of the day,
and some of them performed prodigies of valour. Henry himself seems to
have acquitted himself in a Style quite worthy of Shaw, or Pshaw, the
Life Guardsman. His majesty was charged by a band of eighteen knights,
whom it is said he overcame, but it is much more likely that finding
themselves ready to sink into the earth, they were compelled to knock
under.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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