The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
During Sigismund's stay in town, the French besieged Harfleur, which was
guarded by the Earl of Dorset and a most unhealthy garrison. Toothache,
elephantiasis, and sciatica, had so reduced the spirit of the English
force that the Duke of Bedford, the king's brother, was sent to aid
the Earl of Dorset, and the poor old pump was grateful for this timely
succour. Bedford having put matters quite straight, returned to England,
and Henry proposed a run over to Calais with his imperial visitor,
Sigismund. Here a sort of Congress was held at which Henry made
himself so popular, that his rights to the French throne were partially
recognised. France was at this juncture in a very unpromising condition,
for the royal family did nothing but quarrel and murder one another's
favourites. Isabella, the queen, lived in hostility with the king, who
arrested several of his wife's servants, and had one of them, whose name
was Bois-Bourdon, sewn up in a leather-bag and thrown into the Seine,
from which the notion of giving a servant the sack, on the occasion of
his getting his discharge, no doubt takes its origin.
The Dauphin John having died, he was succeeded by his brother Charles,
a boy of sixteen, who was continually fighting with his own mother, and
getting a good deal the worst of it. This state of things tempted Henry
to bring an army into France in August, 1417, when, after the surrender
of a few smaller places, he took Caen by assault, or rather by a good
Caen pepper. In the ensuing year he undertook several sieges at once,
and played with his artillery upon Cherbourg, Damfront, Lonviers, and
Pont de l'Arohe as easily as the musician who plays simultaneously on
six different instruments. His next important undertaking was the siege
of Rouen, before which he sat down, and having looked at it through his
glass, he made up his mind that starving it out was the only method of
taking it. The inhabitants held out for some time on their provisions,
but these being exhausted, they began to devour all sorts of trash,
that was never intended for culinary purposes. _Soupe au shoe_ became
a common dish, and though for a brief period they had mutton chop _en
papillotes_ they were at last reduced to the _papillotes_ without the
meat, but with their tremendous twists they of course could not be
expected to make a satisfactory meal off curl-papers. They accordingly
surrendered, and Henry, on the 16th of January, 1419, entered Rouen,
where ambassadors from the various factions in France were sent to him.
He was, however, quite open to all, but decidedly influenced by none,
and had a polite word for each, but a wink for those in his confidence,
as he administered the blarney to the various legates. At length it
was agreed that he should have an interview with the king and queen of
France and the Duke of Burgundy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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