The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The English, sinking under the weight of their booty, as well as the mud
on their boots, marched towards Calais. Henry's army was reduced almost
to a skeleton, but he used to say jocosely, that with that skeleton key
he would find an opening anywhere. Though rich in conquest, he was
short of cash, and as England was always the place for getting money,
he determined on hastening thither. The people received him with
enthusiasm, and at Dover they rushed into the sea to carry him on shore,
so that he literally came in on the shoulders of the people. Proud of
this popular pickaback, he made a speech amid the general waving of
hats, which was responded to by the gentle waving of the ocean. The
tide, however, began to rise, when Henry cut short the proceedings of
the meeting between himself and his subjects by exclaiming, "But on, my
friends, to the shore, for this is not the place for dry discussion."
On his way up to town each city vied with the other in loyalty.
Rochester contended with Canterbury, Chatham struggled with Gravesend,
and Blackheath entered into a single combat with Green-wich; Deptford
ran itself into debt, which it retains nominally to this day; and
the Bricklayers presented their arms to Henry as he passed into the
metropolis. In London he was met by the Lords and Commons, the mayor,
aldermen, and citizens; but the sweetest music was that made by the wine
as it poured down the streets, and caught a guttural sound as it turned
in£o the gutters. Many a bottle of fine old crusted port was mulled by
being thrown into the thoroughfare, and though it might have been
good enough to have spoken for itself, it ran itself down through the
highways with much energy. Nor was this enthusiasm confined to hollow
words, for all the supplies which the king requested were freely voted
him. It was only for Henry to ask and have, at this auspicious moment;
and if, like some children, he had cried for the moon, it is not
unlikely that his subjects, in the excess of their loyalty, would have
promised to give it him.
In the spring of the year 1416, London was enlivened by a visit from the
Emperor Sigismund. He imparted considerable gaiety to the season, and
his entry into the city gave occasion for a general holiday. His object
was to endeavour to effect a coalition between the two rival popes, and
to get the kings of France and England to make it up if possible. He
was followed by some French ambassadors who marred the harmony of the
procession by looking daggers at the English nobles. Occasionally they
proceeded from glances to gibes, which naturally led to pushes, that
were only prevented from coming to blows by the sudden turning round of
the emperor whenever he heard a disturbance going on amongst those who
followed him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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