The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The king now endeavoured to effect a reconciliation between the rival
parties, who affected to make it up, but started at once to their
respective castles, for the purpose of looking up materials and men for
the renewal of hostilities. York sent his sword to the grinder's, his
armour to the tin-plate-worker's, to be let out, pieced, and otherwise
repaired--while the Lancastrian chiefs were, on their side, resorting
to similar arrangements. At length they came to a battle, in September,
1459, and the Yorkists were in the better position, when Sir Andrew
Trollop--either from blockheadism, or bribery, or both--deserted, with
all his veterans, to the standard of Henry. York, taking a series of
hops, skips and jumps over the Welsh mountains, fled into Ireland. He
ran so fast, that the muscles of his leg were contracted; and it was
said at the time, that the York hams had as much as they could do to
keep ahead of the Bath chaps, many of whom were engaged in the battle,
from having lived not far from the neighbourhood. Warwick escaped to
Calais, where he was exceedingly popular, and he soon collected forces
enough to admit of his landing in Kent, where he stuck up his banner
with the view of collecting a crowd, and then touting for followers. The
project was successful, and by the time he reached Blackheath he had got
thirty thousand men at his heels, according to the old chroniclers, who,
it is only fair to say, have a peculiar multiplication table of their
own, and who, whatever may be their aptitude at facts, certainly present
to us some of the very oddest figures.
Warwick's reception was very enthusiastic. The archbishop ran out of
Canterbury to meet him and shake him by the hand, Lord Cobham clapped
him amicably on the shoulders, and five bishops, taking off their
mitres, waved them as he passed in token of welcome. Warwick made at
once for the midland counties, carrying with him the young heir of York,
and meeting the Lancastrians at Northampton, a battle was fought which
ended in the defeat of the latter. Henry was taken prisoner; but his
wife Margaret of Anjou escaped with her son Edward, and encountered one
of those adventures which season with a spice of romance the sometimes
insipid dish of history. The story we are about to relate is offered
with a caution to our readers, but it is too good to be omitted, and
we are, moreover, afraid that were we to leave it out for the sake of
correctness, we should be blamed for the omission. Use is second
nature in literature as well as in anything else; and the public, being
accustomed to falsehood, would regard the absence of even the most
flagrant hoax as a curtailment of the fair proportions of history.
It is, however, only under protest that we can lend ourselves to the
gratification of this very morbid appetite, and we therefore advise
the following story on the authority of _De Moleville_, to be taken
not merely _cum grano salis_, but with an entire cellar of that very
wholesome condiment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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