The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Edward and Alfred, the two sons of Ethelred, had come over to be in the
way in case of anything turning up on the death of Canute, but Edward
finding himself rather too much in the way, and fearing an unpleasant
removal, took a return ticket for himself and party for Normandy.
Alfred, after vainly attempting to land at Sandwich, happily thought of
Heme Bay, and though it was in the height of the season, he of course
found no one there to resist his progress. Having ventured up to
Guildford on the invitation of Godwin, Alfred and his soldiers found a
sumptuous repast and comfortable lodgings prepared for them. But Godwin
had been more downy even than the beds, and the soldiers having been
seized and imprisoned found wet blankets thrown on their hopes of
hospitable treatment. Edward himself was cruelly murdered, and Harold,
who was called Harefoot, from the speed with which he could ran, was now
able to walk over the course, for there was no opposition to him in the
race for the stakes of Royalty. He was fond of nothing but hunting, and
as he could catch a hare by his own velocity he generally had the game
in his own hands. He died a.d. 1040, after a short reign of four years;
and though, if he had lived to old age, he might have proved a good
sovereign in the long-run, he was certainly not happy in the walk of
life where fortune had placed him.
Hardicanute, a name signifying Canute the Hardy, or the tough, came over
on the death of Harold; but with all his toughness he evinced or assumed
some tenderness at the cruel fate of his brother Alfred. He showed his
sympathy for one by brutality towards another, and subjected Harold's
memory to the most barbarous indignities.
Godwin, fearing that he might share the obloquy of his former master,
propitiated Hardicanute by giving him a magnificent toy, consisting of
a gilt ship, with a crew of eighty men, each having a bracelet of
pure gold weighing sixteen ounces, and dressed in the most valuable
habiliments. The new king no doubt melted the gold very speedily
in drink, to which he was so much addicted, that he actually died
intoxicated at a party given at Clapham, by one Clapa, from whose name,
or home, that suburb was called. His majesty was, according to the
chroniclers, "on his legs," and the waiters had of course left the room,
when Hardicanute unable to get further than "Gentlemen," staggered into
his seat, and was carried out--mortally inebriated. *
* Other historians say in so many words, that "he died
drunk." We prefer using the milder expression of "mortally
inebriated,"
[Illustration: 075]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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