The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
During a boisterous _déjeûner d la fourchette_, at which the Red King
greatly increased his rubicundity by the quantity of wine he consumed,
a postman arrived with a dream, from the Abbot of St. Peter's, at
Gloucester, done up in an envelope. "Read it out," exclaimed Rufus,
after having glanced at its contents; and on its being found to forbode
a violent death to the king, he ordered a hundred pence to be given to
the dreamer, which, supposing him to have been taking "forty winks,"
would have been at the liberal rate of twopence-halfpenny a wink for
his rather disagreeable doze over the destiny of his sovereign. Rufus
laughed at the prediction, and repaired to the chase, accompanied by
Sir Walter Tyrrel, when a hart, in all its heart's simplicity, came and
stood between the illustrious sportsmen. The extraordinary hilarity of
the bounding hart attracted the attention of Rufus, who drew his bow,
but the string broke, and Rufus not having two strings to his bow,
called out to Tyrrel to shoot at the bald-faced brute for his bare-faced
impudence. Sir Walter instantly obeyed; but the animal, bobbing down his
head, allowed the arrow to go through his own branches towards those of
a huge tree, when the dart, taking a somewhat circuitous route, avoided
the body of the hart and went home to the heart of the sovereign. Tyrrel
ran towards his master, and attempted to revive him; but though there
was plenty of harts-horn in the forest, none could be made available.
The unfortunate regicide, merely muttering to himself some incoherent
expressions as to his having "done it now," galloped to the sea coast,
and tied to France--taking French leave of his country, according to the
usual custom of malefactors.
[Illustration 101]
The royal remains were picked up soon after by one Mr. Purkess, a
respectable charcoal-burner, whose descendants still reside upon the
spot, and who carted Henry off on his own responsibility to Winchester,
where the king was honoured by a decent funeral. Though there were
plenty of lookers-on, there were very few mourners; and in a portrait
of the tomb * which has been preserved, we recognise economy as the most
prominent feature. Henry, the king's brother, made the usual rush to the
treasury, where he filled his pockets with all the available assets; and
the members of the hunting party, finding that the game was up, started
off as fast as they could in pursuit of their own interests.
* The tomb still stands in the middle of the choir of
Winchester Cathedral.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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