The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Among the events of the crusade undertaken for the promotion of
Christianity, on the side of the Lion Heart, his beheading of five
thousand Turkish prisoners stands conspicuous. This act of barbarity
arose out of some misunderstanding on the subject of a truce, and
Saladin, by way of making matters square, slaughtered about an equal
number of captive Christians. Such were the heroic defenders of the
Cross on one side and the Crescent on the other. It is generally a libel
to compare a human being to a brute, but in giving the title of Lion
Heart to Richard, the noble beast is the party scandalised.
It is surprising that the British lion has never cited this as one of
his numerous grievances, for he would certainly have a capital action
for defamation if he were to sue by his next friend or _in forma
pauperis_ for this malicious imputation on his noble character.
On the 7th of September, 1191, the two chiefs came to a general
engagement, near Azotus, about nine miles from Ascalon. Richard's
prowess was tremendous; but, after himself, the most striking object was
his battle-axe. This wondrous weapon had been forged in England by the
very best Smiths, and there were twenty pounds of steel in the head,
formed into a tremendous nob, which fell with fearful force on the nobs
of his enemies. His battle-axe divided with him the attention of all
beholders, and he divided the turbans of the foe with his battle-axe.
The weapons of the Crusaders were certainly better adapted for havoc
than those of the Saracens, who seem to have fought with an instrument
less calculated for milling men than for milling chocolate. The armour
of the knights was also more effective than that of their adversaries;
for while the former had their heads comfortably secured in articles
made on the principle of rushlight shades, with holes for seeing and
breathing through, the partisans of the Crescent wore little more upon
their heads than might have been supplied by the folding of a sheet or
tablecloth into the form of a turban. The result was that Baladin was
compelled to fly, with a loss of seven thousand men and thirty-two
emirs, which so diminished his stock of officers that he was almost
reduced, according to an old chronicler, to his very last emir-gency.
Richard went on to Jaffa, where he was delayed by an artful proposition
to negotiate until the rainy weather set in; and he had to start off
during November, in the midst of incessant showers. The Crusaders got
regularly soaked; and being caught in the middle of the plain of Sharon
with no place, not even a doorway, they could stand up under, they tried
to pitch a tent, which was instantly pitched down by the fury of the
elements. Their arms became perfectly rusty, and their horses, not
liking the wet, got rusty also. Their provisions were all turned into
water _souchet_, and indeed the spirit of the Crusaders became weakened
by excessive dilution in the pelting showers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account