The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
"No, but I would teach my grandmother to sue cumb," was the dignified
reply of the prince, when the message of his venerable relative was
brought to him. The sturdy old female, who was rather corpulent, made,
literally, a stout resistance, having thrown herself into a strong
tower, which set rather tight upon her, like a corsage, and in this
position she for some time defied the assaults of the enemy. Encased in
this substantial breastwork, she awaited the threatened lacing at
the hands of her grandson, when John came to her rescue. In the night
between the 31st of July and the 1st of August, he took the town,
dragged Arthur out of his bed, as well as some two hundred nobles who
were "hanging out" at the different lodgings in the city. After cruelly
beating them, he literally loaded them with irons, giving them cuffs
first, and hand-cuffs immediately afterwards. Twenty-two noblemen were
thrown into the damp dungeons of Corfe Castle, where they caught severe
colds, of which they soon died, and they were buried under the walls
of Corfe without coffins. * Young Arthur's tragical end has been the
subject of various conjectures. Several historians have tried their
hands at an interesting version of the young prince's death, but
Shakspeare has given the most effective, and not the least probable,
account of the fate of Arthur. The monks of Margan believe that John,
in a fit of intoxication, slew his nephew; but we have no proof that
Lackland was often in that disgraceful state, which in these days would
have rendered him liable to the loss of a crown--in the shape of the
five-shilling fine for drunkenness.
* Matthew Paris. It is to be regretted that the statement of
a fact sometimes involves the necessity for a pun, as in the
present instance. The faithful historian has, however, on
such an occasion, no alternative. Fidelity must not be
sacrificed even to a desire for solemnity.
Ralph, the abbot of Coggeshall, who agrees with Shakspeare in many
particulars, says that Arthur had been removed to Rouen, where his uncle
called for him on the night of the 3rd of April, 1203, in a boat, to
take a row on the river. It being time for all good little children to
be in bed and asleep, Arthur was both at the moment of the avuncular
visit. Boy-like, he made no objection to the absurd and ill-timed
excursion, for it is a curious fact, that infants are always ready
to get up at the most unseasonable hours, if anything in the shape of
pleasure is proposed to them. Arthur was soon in the boat for a row up
the Seine with his uncle John and Peter de Maulac, Esquire, one of the
unprincipled "men about town" at that disreputable period.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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