The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
They had not proceeded far when either John or Mr. de Maulao seized the
boy, as if he were so much superfluous ballast, and cruelly pitched
him overboard. Some say that the squire was the sole executioner, while
others hint that he turned squeamish at the last moment, and left the
disgraceful business to John; but they doubtless shared the guilt, as
they were both rowing in the same boat, and were in point of private
character "much of a muchness." Shak-speare, as everybody knows, makes
the young prince meet his death more than half-way by leaping on to the
stones below his prison window, with a hope that they might prove softer
than the heart of his uncle. It is not improbable that a child so young
may have been foolish enough to jump to such a conclusion.
The rumour of the murder naturally occasioned the greatest excitement;
and if we are to believe the immortal bard, five moons came mooning out
upon the occasion, which may account for the moonstruck condition of the
populace.
The Britons, amongst whom Arthur had been educated, were furious at the
murder of their youthful prince, whose eldest sister, Eleanor, was in
the hands of her uncle John. This lady was called by some, the Pearl of
Brittany; but if she was really a gem, she must have been an antique,
for she spent forty years of her life in captivity. The Britons,
therefore, rallied round a younger heroine, her half-sister, Alice, and
appointed her father, Guy de Thouars, the regent and general of their
confederacy. De Thouars was a Guy only in name, for he was extremely
handsome, and had attracted the attention of the lady Constance,
whose third and last husband he had become. Guy went as the head of a
deputation to the French king, who summoned John to a trial; but that
individual instead of attending the summons, allowed judgment to go by
default, and was sentenced to a forfeiture of his dominions.
John for some time treated the steps taken against him with contempt,
and remained at Rouen, until he thought it advisable to go over to
England, to prepare for his defence by collecting money, for it was
always by sucking dry the public purse, that tyrants in those days were
accustomed to look for succour.
It was by his efforts to extract cash from his people that he excited
among his nobles the discontent which has rendered the discontented
barons of his reign, _par excellence, the_ discontented barons of
English history. He continued to mulct them every day, and his reign was
a long game of forfeits, in which the barons were always the sufferers.
Still they refused to quit the country for the defence of their tyrant's
foreign possessions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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