The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
Among their equipments for battle had been several gorgeous gold and
silver-mounted shields, in the shape of a boy's kite, and as the
Samnites ultimately protected themselves by flying, the kite-like form
of their shields was thoroughly appropriate. Their breasts were covered
with sponge, which gave them a soft-hearted air; and the sinking of
their bosoms under nearly every blow, was clearly perceptible. They wore
a shirt of mail, composed of brazen scales, and the display of so much
metal in their shirts enabled them to present at times a bold front to
the enemy. They had greaves upon their legs, which were a grievous
impediment to their running away; and their helmets, adorned with lofty
plumes, only served to render more conspicuous in defeat their
crest-fallen condition. They wore tunics or coats of cotton next their
skin, and put on their shirts outside; but between these, was a short
garment of wool: so that the only idea we can give of the mode of making
a Samnite _toilette_ is by asking the reader to begin by putting on his
coat; to place over that his flannel waistcoat, and to add his shirt by
way of finish.
Among the other spoils of the war with the Latins, were the ships taken
from the port of Antium; but the Romans, who were not a nautical people,
had so little idea of the value of a fleet, that they carried the beaks
or prows of the vessels to Rome, and fixed them in the Forum, as pulpits
for their orators.[29] How the ships could have kept above water when
subjected to mutilation, it is difficult to conceive; and indeed it
would appear probable that having been deprived of their heads, they
must have gone down, as a matter of stern necessity. We must, however,
do the Roman people the justice to add, that two officers had been
appointed to the superintendence of naval affairs; and some will declare
they see in the mere existence of an Admiralty Board sufficient to
account for much extravagance, and all sorts of blundering. Rome had
hitherto been in the condition of a house divided against itself, or
rather of the adjoining houses pulling against each other, and every
widening of the breach must of course have been attended with danger to
both of them. The cessation of war with the Latins enabled Rome to draw
closer the neighbouring social fabric, and many of its inhabitants were
invited to join, and make themselves part of the family of the Romans.
The latter also began to see the impolicy of keeping up certain
distinctions between class and class, which have the same effect upon a
nation, as the bitter feuds between separate floors are likely to
produce upon the happiness and comfort of a lodging-house. When an
upstart one-pair-front sneers at its own back, or looks down upon an
abased basement; when a crushed and crouching kitchen, waiting in vain
for its turn at the only copper, revenges itself by cutting the only
clothes-line--if the line is drawn only for the good of those in a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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