The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
The victory of Rome was complete, and the Samnites, whose riches seem to
have been almost as inexhaustible as their numbers, yielded up spoil
that might appear fabulous in the eyes of any but those who are so
thoroughly matter-of-fact as to be incapable of distinguishing a matter
of fiction. To swell the triumph of the conquerors, Papirius is said to
have given crowns of gold and silver to officers and men, with collars
and bracelets of the same precious material; from which it would seem
that the Samnites had abandoned their ornaments in running away; for
metal, though current on ordinary occasions, goes a very little way in
the hands of those who are groaning beneath the weight of it.
Once more the Samnites poured themselves as copiously and mysteriously
as the streams that flow from the inexhaustible bottle of the conjuror
over the greater part of Campania, and Q. Fabius Gurges took the command
of the Roman army. The Samnites were led by C. Pontius, an aged prodigy,
who had seen much service, which had been of no service whatever to his
countrymen, for they had not even learned to profit by the lessons of
experience. C. Pontius combined, in a remarkable degree, the imbecility
of age with the rashness of youth, and presented the sad spectacle of
juvenile and senile indiscretion combined, or the junction of the
characteristics of an old fool and a young fool in the same individual.
Q. Fabius, however, reckoned too confidently on success; and seeing a
detachment of the Samnites executing a manœuvre, he thought it was the
whole body in the act of retreat, which caused him to proceed so
carelessly, that he was himself defeated, and would have had his army
utterly destroyed, but for the feebleness of his antagonists.
The news of the defeat of Fabius excited much dissatisfaction at Rome,
and the General was about to be recalled, when his father, in an
uncontrollable fit of nepotism, implored the people to allow the young
man to keep his place--a request that was at length granted. The
impolicy of overlooking the incompetence of the son at the request of
the father, was nearly being exemplified in a fatal manner; for the
younger Fabius was on the point of another failure, and an alarming
sacrifice of all his army, when Fabius Maximus came up with a reserve,
which turned the fortune of the day, by the cutting to pieces of 20,000
Samnites; while 4000, including poor old Pontius, were made prisoners.
It will be seen that tradition, while dooming 20,000 Samnites to the
sword, reserves 4000 in captivity as a surplus to supply future
contingencies. Although the better authorities consider that in the
last-mentioned battle this people, who were almost as endless as their
hostilities were aimless, must have been used up, there are still a few
skirmishes to be met with on the borders, if not within the verge of
truth, which require that a few thousand Samnites should be kept as a
reserve for the purposes of the historian.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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