The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
The lower passions of pride and avarice are soon aroused among the mass
by specious promises of glory and conquest; and though each man might,
for himself, have spurned an alliance with the Mamertine mercenaries,
the result proved the truth of the saying, that "a corporation will do
what an individual will shrink from with shame;" for the Comitia Tributa
voted that the disgraceful compact should be formed.
Appius Claudius, the son of the blind Consul, was sent to Messana with a
fleet of TRIREMES, or vessels with three ranks of oars, which had been
borrowed from the Greek towns of Italy; for the Roman Admiralty, in the
true spirit of a board, though continually building ships, was unable to
produce an effective navy. Appius Claudius was not seaman enough to
carry his TRIREMES to Sicily, and his rowers were not so expert as they
should have been in the management of the oars, which were placed in
ranks, one above the other, to a considerable height, so that a long
pull, a strong pull, and a pull altogether was extremely difficult.
Having at last got near enough for a parley, he invited Hanno, the
Carthaginian general, to a conference; and, finding him a weak and
nervous person, he seized him by the neck, and fairly shook the whole of
his resolution out of him.
Hanno was frightened into delivering up the citadel, and returning to
Carthage, he was hurried off to speedy execution, for having failed in
the execution of his duty. King Hiero, being deprived of his
Carthaginian aid, was completely beaten, and was glad to offer peace, or
rather he was glad to get it, on any conditions, for his own condition
was truly deplorable. He paid down 200 talents in ready money, which was
equivalent to about fifty thousand pounds of our modern coin, to prevent
the sacking of Syracuse, and by sacrificing all his cash in hand, he was
able to save his capital. From this period may be dated the commencement
of the first Punic War; and as a feeble-minded reader may be dwelling on
the word Punic, in the silly expectation of a pun, we, by explaining
that it is derived from Phœnicia, whence Phœnic or Punic, at once check
the morbid appetite. The city of Carthage is said to have been about one
hundred years older than Rome; but cities, like ladies beyond a certain
date, baffle all attempts to reduce their age to a matter of certainty.
Tradition assigns the foundation of Carthage to Dido, who, having been
converted into an unprotected female by the murder of her husband, fled
from Tyre, and when completely tired out, sat down to rest on the coast
of Africa. Here she agreed to take, on a building lease, as much land as
could be covered with a bull's hide, when, to the astonishment of the
lessor, she produced a skin cut up into thongs, and acting as her own
surveyor, she claimed to be monarch of all she surveyed, by putting this
new species of leathern girdle round as much earth as possible. There
was certainly less of the princess than of the tradeswoman in this
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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