The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
principle of "Age before honesty," he adjudged the article in dispute to
the elder of the litigants. The decision did not involve any very
remarkable acuteness on the part of the umpire, who seems simply to have
sided with the big brother against the little one. The successful
claimant was so delighted with the judgment delivered in his favour,
that he placed a large stock of clothes, for the army, at the disposal
of Hannibal. Some fearful misfits arose from this neglect of the
wholesome maxim, "Measures, not men," for there was not a man whose
measure could have been properly taken.
It was now time to undertake the ascent of the Alps, and to commence
operations on a scale so grand, that all former experience in scaling a
height, was little better than useless. Many of the soldiers at the
sight of the mountains, instead of rising with the occasion, sunk with
it into a fainting state; and others objected to venture into the snow,
on the ground that they did not understand the drift of it. Hannibal
represented the whole affair as a mere nothing; and added, that the
passage over the Alps was not such very up-hill work after all, for that
men, women, and even children, had often been quite up to the work he
now proposed to cut out for his army. "Soldiers!" he exclaimed, "you
have no choice, except between certain famine on one side of the Alps,
or fertile plains, which you may see plainly enough in your mind's eye,
on the other." Hannibal having made this brief speech, was rewarded with
loud cheers; the army followed him, and proceeding to the passes, he
found them lined with Gauls; but he tore the lining out in the most
merciless fashion.
On reaching the Valley of the Tarentaise, Hannibal was offered guides,
whom, however, he distrusted; and refusing, therefore, to be led away by
specious promises, he sent his baggage by way of experiment; intending,
when he heard of the safe arrival of his soldiers' trunks, to despatch
by the same route their entire body. When the elephants came within a
stone's throw of the Gauls, the latter hurled down rocks in vast masses
on the affrighted beasts, and snowballed them with the snow from the
loftiest part of the mountains. The assailants, however, completely
missed their aim, for Hannibal threw himself upon them, and succeeded in
completely crushing them.
[Illustration: Hannibal crossing the Alps.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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