The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
A reward of its weight in gold had already been offered for the head of
Caius Gracchus, when one Septimulcius, having picked it up, carried it
home, and plumbed it with lead before he took it to the authorities.
Opimius, the Consul, weighed it, and exclaiming, "Bless me! seven pounds
and a half!" threw down in exchange for the head, the same quantity of
the precious metal. His customer having gone away, Opimius proceeded at
his leisure to examine his bargain. "Well!" said he, "I don't know that
it's worth its weight in gold, but the offer was my own, and I must make
the best of it." On a minuter inspection, he detected the trick that had
been played, and though he had looked upon Caius as somewhat
leaden-headed, he at once perceived that nature had not been the only
plumber employed in this disgraceful transaction.
All the friends of Gracchus were cast into prison and slain; but it was
astonishing to observe how contracted his circle became when it was
known that ruin awaited every member of it. They who had been his
intimates made the sudden discovery that they had never known him at
all, and others, who had been too frequently in his company to repudiate
the acquaintance, declared that they had been grievously mistaken in his
character. Several of his radical associates joined the aristocratic
party, and his friend Carbo was so severely bantered on his having gone
over to the other side, that after trying both sides, he took refuge in
suicide as the only side left for him.
Rome owed much to the Gracchi; but it paid them both off in a most
unsatisfactory manner. Tiberius was an orator of such power, that, to
prevent his voice from being too loud, he took with him a piper--paying
the piper out of his own pocket--to prevent him from pitching it too
strong when he was addressing the multitude. Tiberius Gracchus was the
first orator who introduced the graces of action into the art of public
speaking; and he was in the habit of rolling, as it were, from side to
side, which gave him great sway with his audience.
Caius Gracchus was a man of action, rather than of words, and was the
first to divide distance into portions of one thousand paces, each of
which he called a mile, and which was one of his really useful measures.
He was also the inventor of milestones, and of those stations for
awkward equestrians, which enabled many to ride the high horse, who
would otherwise have been placed on their own humble footing.
[Illustration]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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