The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
"One stone hit Appius in the mouth, and one beneath the ear,
And ere he reached Mount Palatine he swooned with pain and fear.
His cursed head, that he was wont to hold so high with pride,
Now like a drunken man's, hung down, and swayed from side to side.
And when his stout retainers had brought him to his door,
His face and neck were all one cake of filth and clotted gore."
[23] At a later period, the Censors had the entire control over the
public expenditure, even to the feeding of the sacred geese; and there
is no doubt that even the geese were made to yield a considerable nest
egg to a dishonest functionary.
CHAPTER THE NINTH.
FROM THE TAKING OF ROME BY THE GAULS, TO ITS SUBSEQUENT PRESERVATION BY
MANLIUS.
[Illustration: A Gaul.]
As a prophet is sure to come right in the end, if he will go on
prophesying a thing until it really happens; so the soothsayers, who had
been constantly predicting the taking of Rome, seemed likely, at last,
to have their forebodings verified.
The Gauls were destined to be the invaders, and tradition tells us that
they were attracted to cross the Alps by the reputation of the Italian
grapes, which induced them to expect a superior glass of wine on the
other side of the mountains. The Gauls were remarkable for the hugeness
of their bodies, which presented a series of gigantic pictures in their
iron frames; and their faces being covered with long shaggy hair, they
seemed ready, by their ferocious aspect, to beard an enemy. These people
were the ancient inhabitants of modern France, and it is a curious fact,
that the occupants of the country have, up to the present time,
cultivated that hairiness of visage, in which they may be said to have
literally aped their ancestors. Tradition--that wholesale carrier, who
delivers so many parcels at the historian's door, some of which are
scarcely worth the carriage--has handed to us a small packet, with
reference to the Gauls and their origin, the contents of which we
proceed to examine. On taking it up, we find that it possesses very
little weight; but we, nevertheless, proceed to the operation of
unpacking. Beginning as we would with a basket, we find ourselves
hampered to a considerable extent, for on opening the lid, and using the
eye of discernment, we turn over the contents with eagerness, and after
all catch at little better than straw, in our attempts to take hold of
something tangible. Turning over the flimsy mass, we arrive at very
little of a solid description, though, on getting to the bottom of it,
we establish the fact that the Gauls, under Brennus, their chief,
marched upon Clusium, one of the states of Etruria. People in
difficulties are apt to grow exceedingly amiable towards those who are
in a position to help them; the man of money becomes the very "dear Sir"
of one who needs a loan, and the Clusians appealed to their "friends,"
the Romans, of whom they knew nothing, for their kind assistance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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