The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The vices of an early age are more vigorous but rarer. Mean crimes;
ambidextrous, cunning contrivances under the forms but against the
spirit of law; ingenious larcenies by railway companies, by chartered
corporations, by trust companies, by commercial partnerships, by
seminaries and academies, where the pupils provide their own furniture,
silver, and a great part of the instruction, and pay twice—ordinary and
extraordinary—for everything they ought to get and do not; sharp,
unscrupulous trade, slicing down realities so thin that they hardly
serve to veneer our wants, and diluting truth so much that the millionth
part of a grain will supply a whole store for twenty-four hours; the
brokerage of office; the thousand deceits, infiltrated through the
spongy textures of doubtful natures, and sprouting out, like rice, when
the water of gain is poured upon it;—these all are the luxuries of a
higher civilization. They have nothing to feed on in a simple state of
society. They drift in upon an older one like barnacles and foul
creepers on the copper fastenings of noble, well-freighted ships. Like
blood in super-refined sugar, subtle vices look so white in the mixture
that we almost fail to see their crimsoning hues. We speak of the crimes
and misdemeanors of the Colonial times as indications of the prevailing
morality, just as flies in open pans of cream tell its quality and
richness.
Morality, we have said, is not bounded by isothermal lines; and yet
climate and soil do seriously affect the prevailing moral tones and
hues, just as earthly lakes take on the passing colors of the heavens
above.
The Puritan sternness of New England convictions—as iron-like as the
firs and larches on her own hills—swept in as gray gustiness across her
early history as her northeasters over her wide fields. The latter
pinched her children physically till they became of the same blue tint
as their church regulations. The rigidity of even Huguenot faith could
not stand the continual sun of South Carolina, which, at length, so
relaxed its sharp lines that they ceased to cut at all across that
compressed globe of iniquity, human slavery. The moral qualities of
Virginia were like its own soil, at first stiff and deep, but gradually
deteriorating until they got down into such a narcotic, stony poverty,
that the plough of vigorous truth seldom turned up.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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