The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Scarcely, however, had they gone a stone’s throw in the great unfenced
field, before they snuffed a sulphurous smell from the adjacent lot, the
French settlements of Acadia. Queen Anne, the second daughter of James
II., who, in 1702 had succeeded her sister Mary, which aforesaid Mary,
with her husband, the Orange William, had, as we have already seen,
found England too small for them and the aforementioned James, also took
a fancy that France was being made too comfortable for her migratory
parent, and, in order to keep him travelling, bombarded that country.
This little experiment, called in the large-bore histories, Queen Anne’s
War, lasted eleven years, and cost England about one sixteenth of her
entire value. She obtained, however, as compensation for this outlay,
these results in Europe: several fresh monuments in Westminster Abbey, a
staggering back-load of debt, a crowd of one-sleeved men, many young
women in becoming widow’s caps, Marlborough and wife with salaries
amounting yearly to three hundred and twenty-six thousand dollars
besides the snug little box at Blenheim Palace, the glorious though
empty victories of Ramillies, Malplaquet, Oudenarde, and Blenheim, and
that very big elephant, the rock of Gibraltar.
Of course our colts became intensely excited by the gunpowdery air, tore
away into the northern French lot, and fell to kicking most lustily. The
French fillies there naturally bit back and let fly their gallic-shod
heels freely; but the New England ponies so worried and wounded them in
the flanks and hips as to drive them clean out of the field. Port Royal
was reduced and became Ann-apolis; and Acadia, battered by colonial guns
to a wreck, and turning up in her distress under the name of Nova
Scotia, grasped one of those long humane lines which the Marine Society,
or government located at London, threw out at that time continually for
distressed communities. To this sea line the blue-nosed, fish-shaped
peninsula has since held with the bite of a codfish, trolled and played
by the Izaak Walton of nations, until the fish shows signs of letting go
the hook.
Amid the Alpine glaciers of war, however, there bloomed, as travellers
find high up among the ice-fields, the graceful and tender flowers of
gentler life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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