The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Monday, some shares I obtained;
Tuesday, thereby millions I gained;
Wednesday, my establishment grew;
Thursday, to an equipage I flew;
Friday, at the ball I long tarried;
And Saturday to the poor-house was carried.
-----
MORAL.—Paper Laws are not as trustworthy as, although more shiny than,
specie.
The experiments of the colonists thus early in engraved promises showed
how adventurous and hopeful they had become. The unfavorable results did
not indent their faith. There was always a side-pocket for American
losses. In this they clapped their broken bank-bills, and John Law’s
handsome certificates with the wonderful figures that had “cut so many
shines,” and went on. The building of a few rice-machines, sugar-mills,
or school-houses were checked for a few months; the clearing of some
lots was less rapid; the purchase of a new gown for Prudence, or a new
waistcoat for John Smith’s great-great-grandson, postponed; but the
subscriptions to the Boston “News-Letter” did not fall off, nor the
Franklin loaf diminish in weight.
There was one important branch of American industry and wealth which
actually increased most during the severest periods of financial losses,
the manufacturing of children. At the close of Queen Anne’s war, in
1713, the Colonies had a population of four hundred thousand,—an
increase of one hundred and sixty-five thousand since the bars were let
down. This population doubled during the next thirty years.
So many new boys coming forward required of course more training. A
long-sighted governor of the East Indies, Elihu Yale by name, reached a
hand across the seas, and placed some books and a little money at the
feet of a few wise-hearted men in Connecticut, who took them up, and
planted them for a few years at Saybrook. The gits thriving well, they
were transplanted to New Haven. Everybody knows how these mustard shoots
have grown; how their sturdy arms ever keep touching the westering
borders, dropping schoolmistresses on Southern soils, ministers on
Western prairies, spicy editors for city sandwiches; even their dead
branches enriching the deep soils of scientific and theologic thought.
[Illustration:
THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD.
(p. 201)
]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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