The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The planting of schools increased. It was always a favorite branch of
American husbandry. The schoolhouse was frequently the first seedling
put in. Now more carefully fenced about, it became the _quercus
giganteus Americanus_,—to our plantations what the British oak is on an
English estate, the glorious spike that rivets it to the wave-rocked
island. Birch-trees could hardly supply the colonial demand upon them.
School-girls opened the slate-quarries for chewing-pencils, and stripped
the spruce-trees for gum. Knowest thou not, O reader, what a close
connection there is between pencil and gum chewing and female education?
If not, thou hast not been blessed with sisters between the liquid ages
of fourteen and seventeen, and must hasten to study female geology,
which embeds between its slaty folds the beautiful ferns and flora of
knowledge. Thou must betake thyself to the nearest seminary, and observe
the sudden and deep openings down through slate-lined shafts into the
mines of earthly learning.
The treaty of Utrecht in 1713 closed and sealed Queen Anne’s war. There
was a repose through the Colonies for thirty-one years. During this
period the Colonies stretched themselves, took in new ideas, and let out
the strait bandages which still swathed them. Delaware, dandled on the
knee of Pennsylvania until 1708, having cut her first teeth, was set
down to crow like a young cock among the blue hen’s chickens. Vermont,
as we have before seen, undergoing pretty rugged nursing through her
vigorous babyhood, was at last plumped upon the floor by New York, in
1724, with a smart cuff on the ears, and the ungracious and thankless
advice, “Now go, if you must, and take care of yourself.” The youngster,
who had found out for some time that she could not only run alone, but
could even climb up to her own Saddle-Back, immediately started off, and
was soon seen setting up education factories, saw-mills, meeting-houses,
and nut-shellers, and running a variety of very transporting businesses
between Lake Champlain and the Connecticut River. It was a long time
before she got her lines with New York out of tangle and settled; but as
Vermonters never felt any practical difficulty in crossing lines
whenever they saw pleasanter ones in better places, this uncertainty as
to the exact limits of her colonial cords rather facilitated than
impeded her circulation and growth. New Hampshire—well out at length
from the leading-strings of Massachusetts, in 1741—toddled slowly up
into hardy strength. From her whitened hills she was obliged to keep a
sharp lookout northwards upon the saucy French and tricky Indians, and,
in spite of all her sentries and vigilant scouts, suffered more than her
share from them both. The Indians took off many of her scalps; but,
notwithstanding all their sharp knives, she kept her Profile safe and
unscarred, and was even Keene enough to outlive the neighboring
tomahawks and the more distant and swooping night-hawks from the St.
Lawrence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account