The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
In the name of the Profit, they virtually said, war. Then followed a
pause in the proceedings, which at length the full, firm voice of John
Adams broke. His speech, rising and rising like a freshet over that tall
occasion, swept away by its resistless logical momentum the forces of
sophism, carried in its strong hurry all the impediments to its march,
brimmed over with its swelling forces the whole territory of debate,
until at last, the gathered mass, hurled full against the barriers of
prejudice, conservatism, doubt, and fear, prostrated forever the props
and supports of British usurpation in the Colonies. It is a singular
fact that no reporters were present to take down or even outline this
speech. Gathered up, however, from tradition and memory by Daniel
Webster, about half a century afterwards, it has floated and collected
in almost every school-house and college, and there formed eddies,
whirlpools, and geysers, which have sucked in and spouted out much
gyrating declamation.
Other speakers followed the fiery Adams, most urging, a few deprecating,
immediate action. We need not note here their range, fire, or effect.
At last the patriotic battle abates; and the committee of
five,—Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, Sherman, and Livingston,—forming
around the tall, dignified, picturesque figure of their chairman,
advance in front of the president’s seat. There is an expectant,
oppressive hush, a sudden settling back into seats; and all eyes, like
sunflowers, turn towards the scarlet-waistcoated son of the Revolution.
The neatly written paper is slowly unrolled, and its weighty truths,
crowding up to its very rim, begin at once to discharge themselves.
That large electrical battery has been ever since at work, charging
nationalities and peoples, galvanizing the feeble to effort, producing
sparks whenever the current has been interrupted, recovering back to
vital action sick communities, and arousing to better health from that
hopeless despair which a long course of royal quack doctoring had
produced, constitutions, systems, or states originally strong,
energetic, and vigorous. Without analyzing or dwelling upon the full,
electrical streams then and there evolved by that American independence
machine, we will only record here that two principal jets, namely, that
of the equality of all in their creation, and the other, that all
governments rest solely upon the consent of the governed, have poured
upon paralyzed and crippled humanity such a current of blessings, that
the old Asiatic, African, and European practices of blood-letting for
liberal plethora, drugs for congested rights, anodynes for consciences
politically discontented, and cathartics for purging away healthy food
necessary for civil nutrition, are fast becoming unpopular.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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