The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The Revolutionary wheel, which had begun to slow after the battle of
Yorktown, now of course wholly stopped. The grist was ground. In it, it
is true, were some hard colonels, some badly ground, dyspeptical grains,
some dark specks; but, on the whole, the yield was good, unbolted
American family flour. Of course the miller took toll. This came out in
the shape of debts for soldiers’ wages, for money borrowed, for stores
used, powder exploded, and pensions in the near distance; but still
there was a broad country to gather it from, reaching westward to the
Mississippi, northward to the Lakes, southward to the Gulf and Florida,
and eastward to the Atlantic. There were independence achieved by
obstinate bravery, right of government right to tax one’s self, and,
above all, the right to spend one’s own taxes, even on useless officials
and handsomely printed laws. And so, on the whole, the customer was well
satisfied with his large, healthy, unbolted grist.
CHAPTER V.
HOW A POOR CONSTITUTION BROKE DOWN.
Every Community has its Axis of Growth.—That of the Confederation
described.—Causes of the Distrust of Federated Power.—How the States
preferred to sew up the Treasury Pocket rather than allow their own
Agents to put their Hands in it for necessary Funds.—Facetious Bills
of Exchange.—The Shady and Sunny Side of Power.—Similarities and
Dissimilarities of the States.—The Committee to draft Confederation
Sixteen Months over the Cold Nest.—The curious Knot-ty Grub that
issued.—The Spawn of Doubt put to the Nurse of Jealousy.—How it was
nursed, starved, and doctored; and what a poor Constitution it
got.—The Confederate Scheme like a Pine Board.—It could not raise
Money, an Army, Credit, Postage, Revenue: in fact, could not raise
itself.—The Comic Side of the Franking Privilege.—A desirable
Prohibition.—How the Grub became a Caterpillar, and the Caterpillar a
Butterfly.—A very Larky Phœnix rises, crowing Yankee Doodle.
Every community, like every individual, has its axis of growth.
Sometimes this axis is in the line of large, generous expansion, loving,
trustful, and unselfish; sometimes on the crooked wire of involved,
self-stunting contradictions, of twisting jealousies, and of resolutely
resistant forces, which project crabwise on all sides, and propel with
counteracting momentum in all directions, and so sprawl out either in
balancing rest or in a slight gain rearward.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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