The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
What Stewart’s New York emporium is to shoppers for goods, the
Constitution of the United States is to shoppers for civil and political
rights. There one may find whatever he is in quest of, and may very
often see things, beautiful in texture, color, and quality, which he
would never require, even if he lived as long as his long-winded
ancestor Methuselah. On his very first entrance, he will stop to look at
that very handsome fringe, “the preamble,” woven together in such
exquisite tissue-work. As he examines it, he will note the quality of
the material, the even strands “more perfect union,” “justice,”
“domestic tranquillity,” “common defence,” “general welfare,” “blessings
of liberty,” braided together by the deft, expert, and strong fingers of
the people of the United States “for themselves” and “their
posterity,”—a bit of domestic hand-weaving which has now lasted over
fourscore years, and is still bright in color, and, although much
handled and tumbled about, just as good as new. Patterns have been taken
from it, and cheap imitations attempted; but these latter are just as
easy of detection as cottonized linen, dyed hair, or carminized blushes.
[Illustration:
THE STATE TAKES LEAVE OF THE COLONY.
(p. 314)
]
There, too, one finds readily and in abundance heavy cloths for the
country’s wear through the wintry storms of financial distress, foreign
wars, or domestic insurrection; ready-made clothing for legislative and
executive use; white linen goods for the judges, as stainless as snow,
although not quite as cheap; a great variety of under-garments to fit
the powers of Congress, and a large assortment of hosiery to encase with
restrictive woof its rapid understandings.
As one advances, he finds a miscellaneous collection of rights; patent
contrivances to give people in one State the same expansion, weight, and
solidity as in another; admirably adjusted devices for catching persons
with colored skins, when attempting to run off with them over boundary
lines,—a device ingeniously stamped “labor-saving machines,”—an article
in great demand between 1850 and 1861 in the southern portion of the
Union. On the same counter lie _habeas corpus_ non-suspenders, a strap
occasionally called for by passionate judges and choleric magistrates;
tacks, which can only be driven in all over the surface of America up to
the same point; muzzles over legislative bills and hungry congressmen,
to prevent them from pecking at the estates of people politically
decapitated, and from whetting up the keen edge of _ex post facto_ laws;
handsome checks on the treasury; good bills of lading, current in all
the ports of the Union, if at any time introduced in any one of them;
specimens of gold and silver, made very tender in all the States,
especially during a time of plenty, and before a war; and a large
variety of odd gear, to prevent people from getting into, or, if in, out
of, trouble.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account