The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The wide region called Mississippi, embracing the present State of that
name and also Alabama,—the latter no longer apprehending any new
petticoat insurrection in Mobile from the descendants of the insurgents
of 1706, which with French slowness in swelling the census had only in
ninety-five years become two hundred and fifty, and these balanced by an
equal number of blacks,—this Mississippi region, now separated from
Georgia, was put into that pantaleted territorial condition in which a
community finds itself, like a young girl-lady at sixteen, who goes to
school, lives at home, is governed partly by herself and partly by her
parents, acquires pocket-money from the old people, and notions from
circumstances, and drifts vigorously on through an unsettled perplexity
into an early and settled independence. Such in this year of grace 1869
are Arizona, Dakota, Idaho, Montana, Colorado, New Mexico, Utah, and
Washington, whose quickly doubling populations are rapidly pursuing
their education through a university where sharp, practical studies are
urged with bullet speed; mining silver, gold, and lead by day, and
spending most of it in gambling saloons by night; rolling their
residences on wheels from one ranch to another; practising high
gymnastics with the Indians, by a method better than Dio Lewis’s; taking
frequent lessons in bar-rooms, and pretty sure to make and be a mark for
some one in every quarter.
It may not be beneath the dignity of history to state that, while the
new century was inoculated with _virus_ taken from various sources, pure
and impure, political, monetary, and social, its first year witnessed
the earliest introduction of vaccination for small-pox in this country,
to which it worked its way four years after its first discovery by
Edward Jenner in England.
Of course it first took near Boston, where it has since continued to
break out in various eruptions, whose vesicles, always surrounded by a
rose-hued areola in the eyes of home nurses, it never allowed any one
but itself to puncture.
Meanwhile, however, the political crust, broken and cracked in 1797,
again heaved anew; muttered thunder rolled off from the press; party
lava reddened the sides of the political Vesuvius, over whose cindered
lips soon poured the hot melted streams of rage, which left, as they
cooled, nothing of the late Federal party but scoria and ashes.
The first Adams was banished from his much-loved Presidential Eden, and
a flaming sword with many blades—alien law, sedition act, personal
desire for office, supposed sympathy with England, and suspected
antipathy to France—was set at the door, turning every way, and
prohibiting his return any way.
CHAPTER V.
THE CHIEF AMERICAN PRODUCTIONS OF THE EIGHTEENTH CENTURY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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