The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
This surrender was followed, on the 26th of April by that of Johnston;
on the 4th of May, by the remaining Confederate forces under General
Dick Taylor; by the miscellaneous taking of Mobile, Selma, Tuscaloosa,
and Montgomery, and the unfortunate capture of Mr. J. Davis, whose lean
head—made valuable to his captors by a useless expense to the
treasury—was, at an additional expense, taken several times to Richmond,
and shown to the court in satisfaction of his bail bond, and at last
dismissed—to the gibbet of history.
The black cloud, charged with such thunderous bolts, had dissolved, and
the blue sky was showing through the rifted masses, when a sudden clap,
a hissing sound, a sharp wrenching cry, and there lay the straightened
form of Abraham Lincoln.
The victories which he had helped to organize were forgotten; cotton
worsted was unheeded; even the terrible struggles with the long,
wrestling nightmare, were all lost sight of in the grief for the Great
and the Good, whose patriotism had warmed, whose integrity had
strengthened, and whose genial humor had kept warm and mellow, the heart
and hope of a brave and self-sacrificing nation through the contest just
closed,—closed to open upon questions which had need, too, of a Solomon
rather than a Jeroboam.
CHAPTER XX.
VELOCIPEDAL.
How mixed Blood effervesces.—Of the Causes and Developments of
American Fastness.—Unrest in Prisons and at Home.—Time lost in
Sleep, etc.—The distressing Hurry of Brains.—Compressing a Cow in
a Milk-Pot.—Of Doctors’ Gigs and Apoplectic Whirligigs.—American
Stomachs considered.—A general Stomach; how employed and hired
out.—Doctors’ Bills.—Clothes Wringers and State Wringers.—“Speedy
Trials” secured.—The Common and Un-common Law of the United States
considered at length.—Of Dower, and how taken.—Property
administered before Death.—Heirs cheated.—Injunctions
used.—Illinois Divorces.—Of Prohibited Degrees of Marriage.—Of Fat
People and Servants.—Boarding-Houses and Hotels.—American Trade
and its Feats at diminishing Quantities.—Fast Americans in
Europe.—How they overcome Distances, History, and Landlords.—The
Paris _Genus_.
If “in the midst of life we are in debt,” so in the midst of debt
Americans are always lively. Mixed blood seems to discharge rapidly its
effervescing ingredients.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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