The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Fastness, except in the colors of our cheeks and chintzes and in the
movement of our mails, works its curious ways through all manifestations
of American civilization. Over a small, old, long-cultivated territory,
like most of the European, life moves respectably slow, careful of its
savings, gathered up by centuries of work and put out at low rates of
interest; across continental stretches like ours, sweeping in wide
districts and materials of unbundled, aching plenty, it hastens with
panting speed, and can afford to lose everything except time. Our great
areas, therefore, make us lively, their vast opportunities, restless,
wide-talking, and manifesting the generous coarseness of a large-grained
breadth. Out of these alone would come marked characteristics; but when
these are further quickened by accelerating activities of discovery in
all departments, and by mechanical inventions of vast power in
translating man and his products over the earth, the result is rapid
brain-work, stimulating action, quick combinations, eruptive and
vivacious speech.
M. Varet, a French savan, has ascertained that a fly caught by him in
France made three hundred and thirty movements of his wings in a second.
This is rapid work; but a Wall Street bull will toss his horns twice as
fast.
The larger trains of thought thus started will run of themselves with
time-table exactness. We shall only accompany a few special excursion
ideas a short distance from the main depot.
An impatient unrest under discipline and restrictions, while kept below
fever heat by the wet bandages of a self-imposed law, makes jails double
punishments for American criminals, and homes often houses for the
detention of juveniles under sixteen. Confinements, except to a small
class of our married population, is an abridgment of enterprising work,
which, if continued beyond a natural law that prescribes sleep to all
and a longer period of inactivity to the special class just named, would
be a grievance, calling at least for a convention, addresses, and
agitation to get rid of.
The distress of hurry which vexes the _vis inertiæ_ out of our brains,
stirs our intellectual pans continually, so that we do not always get
the natural cream of ideas. An American is always working for condensed
milk processes; to compress a cow into a milk-pot, or utilize all the
herds in his neighborhood on his breakfast-table, in a way unheard of
elsewhere. Of course this wide-reaching hurry, which grasps large
results and scorns the domestic economies, that occupy the thoughts of
people elsewhere, refuses to be concerned for any length of time with
the importunities of suffering stomachs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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