The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Puzzles about Hemp and Paper.—Weak Brains at rest.—The Return of the
Holders of Sabres and Guns.—Our Dead.—Fighters become Workers.—A
Modern Sisyphus rolls a Stone up Hill.—How it rolled back.—The
Interpretation by Congress of its own Rights.—Southern Delegates
declined.—Puzzles solved.—Vetoing made easy.—The New Orleans
Riots.—The Zigzag Journey of the President to the Tomb of Douglas.—The
Fenian Republic in Union Square.—The Sham-rock compared with other
Rocks.—The French Moths in Mexico; and how they were singed.—Amnesties
and Pardons.—Scripture outdone.—Forgiveness forced upon the
Unrepenting.—Results of Congressional Reconstruction.—The President
tried and one found wanting.—Value of one Vote.—Alaska and St.
Thomas.—Chicago, unalarmed, goes on dis-pairing but not
despairing.—The Narrow Escapes of New York.—Fiske-Ville.—Johnson gets
Mudd out of the Dry Tortugas.
Where to find hemp enough to suspend those who had supported the
overwhelmed Confederacy was the first puzzle that presented itself to
the furious patriotism of the constitutional Substitute. This, however,
soon gave place to the still more difficult one, where to find paper
enough to pardon them.
Four of the assassins of the good man were effectively deprived of any
further earthly abuse of their weak brains, maudlin sentiments, and
passions; the others were sent between stone walls or to the dry sands
of the Tortugas.
The heroic holders of the sabre and musket,—their stern, sad work now
done, bore them back,—draped in sable for the comrades who slept in
trenched glory along the furrowed parallel, in the storm-swept field, or
on the banks of the Mississippi, the Chickahominy and James,—back to the
plough, to the workshop, to the peaceful businesses of life, to reunions
with those whose busy fingers and busier hearts had forwarded to them
love messages and mindful tokens while absent.
The army of fighters was disbanded into battalions of workers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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