The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Most people suppose that it is difficult to write history in advance.
There is no greater delusion. Facts—even when we can get at them and are
sure of them, which seldom happens—are great obstructions to a
narrative. They involve sudden leaps into unforeseen depths of human
action, perplexing struggles through very dynastic uncertainties, or
ascents to unexpected developments of character, trying to one’s
judgment and patience, and often hurtful to one’s pride of opinion. Our
preconceptions, unverified by a set of obstinate facts, are distressed
by the unsatisfactory contradictions. We halt dissatisfied on a dusty
road, which the tramp of events has worn smooth, and left nothing to
novelty or an industrious fancy.
Besides, the great majority of readers are partisans, and have a right
to be disappointed at and to blame those unreasoning conclusions, which
slide inevitably out of realities. They confront sternly those facts,
which affront them, by insisting on happening in a way or order
different from their expectations or wishes. Hitherto, we have been
obliged to conform to the hard conditions thus inherent in actual
chronicles, and have been forced to submit our readers to these annoying
certainties.
We can, however, now dismiss these tantalizing fixities of events, which
have run before us, and left us the wearisome business of catching up to
them; and leaving them to overtake us, if they can, to write up a future
history of events, which ought to happen, and which will greatly
disappoint the sanguine expectations of Americans if they do not. The
excuse for failure will be lessened by the outlined path which we here
stretch downward into the wooded future.
We take it for granted, then, that all our future Presidents will be the
very best and most competent men in the nation, spontaneously acclamated
to the office, and not wrung out by industrious party conventions for
political ends. Uncommitted to committees or political sponsors, and
unweighted by onerous gratitude to ex-working party canvassers, they
will naturally hereafter pensively appoint to Cabinet places and
diplomatic posts statesmen of pre-eminent ability, patriotism, and
integrity, who will as modestly wait to be invited in, as the same class
now, when in, stand as if hopelessly deaf, to be distinctly invited out.
That they will reluctantly, if at all, subject weak citizens to the
pains and penalties of executing and garroting the laws, or the slow and
unpractised, to the heavy tasks of carrying the public burdens.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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