The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
Sir Walter Raleigh’s name must always burn brightly in American history,
for his discovery of a smoking material on the James River. But his fame
needs no puffing here, although his reputation became somewhat blown
before his death. Another important event soon after occurred in
connection with American discoveries. A Mayflower drifted, in December,
across seas, and floating against Plymouth Rock, struck its tiny anchors
in it, and, with Yankee enterprise, climbed all over it, covering its
rugged clefts and bare surface with a mass of luxuriant flowers, with
which also sprang up tangling weed-growths, all of which have since been
dried and attracted great attention, much sneezing, some sneering, and
great use of handkerchiefs to preserve the odor of, or prevent the smell
of, what has penetrated all departments of American history. The last
discovery which we shall here mention was that of Hudson, who brought to
light the benighted island of Manhattan, then, as since, infested by
Woods and other poisonous growths. The natives, as now, were very free
in their manners; staring at the newly arrived, and taking them in by
the exhibition of trinkets and gilt ornaments. In spite of the sluggish
airs from the shores of Westchester and Dutchess, the ships of Hudson
succeeded in reaching Rhinebeck; a few of his men even penetrating to
the dense regions of Albany.
CHAPTER III.
ON THE INDIAN CHARACTER.
Survey of Indian Character and Lands.—Our Pacific Intentions towards
the Indians.—The Whites better read than the Red Men, and the
Effects of Learning.—The Pale Complexion of their Affairs.—Wet
Blankets thrown over their other Habits.—Different Traits discovered
by School-Girls and through official Spectacles.—Meaning of Indian
Reservations.—Indian Style of Dress and its Conveniences.—Indian
Names.—Examples of their Happy Application.
No history of the United States would be complete without a survey of
the character of the Indian; as no State of the Union is acceptable to
its inhabitants without a survey and appropriation of his lands.
Various as are the lights in which the former may be regarded, there is
but one light, that of an enlight-ened self-interest, with which the
latter have been treated. The speed with which we have hurried the
brick-colored races towards the sun’s setting is conclusive proof of our
Pacific intentions, and of our dislike to unsettled titles. Red as is
the color of the Indian, to this complexion do all his tribes come at
last,—a pale conviction that the white man is better read than they.
The chapter of our discoveries on this continent opens with the Indian
in the foreground; and the historian, like the earliest explorer, is
brought immediately face to face with him. Unlike the explorer, however,
we will pause long enough to bury the proprietor of the estate which he
seized and we occupy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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