The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The descendants of these unions on the James and Potomac would have been
more numerous had not their numbers been thinned off by Indian knives,
which were very busy in 1622, 1623, and 1644–1646. This last war was
followed, three years later, by a petty imitation of the civil strife
which had raged for seven years between the Parliament and Charles I. in
England, and which ended, in the latter country, by taking off the
king’s head, and in Virginia by taking away many of their former
constitutional privileges. Cromwell fumigated them thoroughly in their
own tobacco-smoke, until all the smell of loyalty was gone. Upon the
accession of Charles II., in 1660, arbitrary legislation was sought
here, as in England, to stamp out the rights of the people which had
silently but steadily grown up into a stiff crop; but resistance
followed, and in this struggle between Virginia and the crown the
succeeding years were spent, until 1754.
The principal event in the history of the settlement of North Carolina
was the fancy constitution furnished for it in 1669, by John Locke,
whose understanding about it differed wholly from that of the people,
through whose heads it never could be got. Besides having plenty of time
on his hands, Locke made his constitution so long, and divided it up
into so many parts, that the youngest settler died before he had read it
half through, and bequeathed the further perusal of it to his
descendants, with all his shares in what it most resembled,—the Dismal
Swamp.
A sniff of this vague, shadowy constitution, or bundle of airy
rights, by the adjacent settlement of South Carolina, affected her
with such a fit of sneezing, that it kept on from that time until
1865, and from which she only found relief now and then in her
cotton pocket-handkerchiefs.
We may remark that it is a vulgar error to suppose that the rivers in
South Carolina run up hill,—just as it is a common mistake to believe
that the Tar River, in North Carolina, originates in a turpentine
district, and flows in a thick stream into Pamlico Sound. We may as
well, also, correct the almost universal notion, that the inhabitants of
Charleston have a particular fondness for fire as a steady, every-day
diet.
The chief incident which marked the uneventful record of the Georgia
settlement was the advent, in 1736, of John Wesley.
He preached in the Methodist language to the Creeks, Choctaws, and
Cherokees; but those short-lived tribes, attending on a certain occasion
one of his camp-meetings, and listening to the benevolent missionary
giving out one of his brother Charles’s hymns, became so discouraged
that they went back to their own camp and ways.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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