The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
about them; and moreover, that such whimsies had made a great deal of
trouble even among the wiser heads on the old island, and, if indulged
in, would be sure to bring their progeny into bad habits and to worse
ends. These injunctions and warnings of course only increased curiosity,
led to talks across the dinner-table and in the evenings after the day’s
work was over. The more they talked it over, the more, of course, they
set their hearts upon having the forbidden fruit. It was found that
Virginia had enjoyed the dangerous luxuries of sending two men from
every one of her eleven boroughs to do both these improper things, ever
since she was twelve years old. She, too, had been permitted to have a
jury-box, and liked the music of it right well, although some of the
twelve strings sometimes got out of order, and the instrument
occasionally played too long when badly wound up. Favoritism in a family
is never pleasant for the unfavored ones. The others could not see why
they should not have what Virginia was allowed. The subject became at
last a sore one, and several times ended in angry flushes and muttered
adjectives that went off without any nouns to touch them; some into the
air, and some—we are forced to say—right into the faces of the old
people.
Cromwell, that brusk English step-father, who, after the sudden taking
off of his predecessor, Charles I., vigorously seized the cold hand of
Albion, had his favorites among the step-children, the New-Englanders.
Yet he did not hesitate to trounce them as soundly as he did Virginia
and the two Carolinas, whenever they set up their wills against his. It
was he who, in 1651, tied up all the colonies by those leading-strings,
the Navigation Acts. When Charles II. came into the family, these
colonial cords were not cut, but multiplied and tied into knots, not at
all sailor fashion. In fact, whoever ruled the house, Commonwealth,
Stuart, or Orange, strengthened and doubled these vexatious marine
strings, until finally father and children were threatened with the fate
of Laocoön.
[Illustration:
TEMPTATION; OR, THE FIRST AMERICAN “RING.”
(p. 153)
]
The large swimming-bath of the Atlantic, so near their doors, sorely
tempted the young swimmers; but the old people insisted upon nothing so
much as the maxim, not to go into the waters of commerce until they had
learned to swim, and never to begin to learn an art so perilous
to—themselves. In fact, the entire maritime policy of England towards
the colonies was very dry nursing on very wet principles.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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